When we think of kids and reading, we often think about boosting literacy, fostering academic success, or helping them wind down before bed. But stories offer so much more, too—connection, escape, and, importantly, the opportunity to expand kids’ minds and perspectives.
Books can be a powerful way to help your child grow into a kind, compassionate person and to develop their social and emotional intelligence, which in turn supports strong social skills and mental health. Reading opens a world of experiences beyond their own, and with just a few thoughtful tweaks to your routine, you can use books to nurture empathy and social-emotional awareness. Here’s how:
1. Read Fiction
Fiction is a natural empathy-builder. When kids follow a character’s journey—especially through struggles, mistakes, and growth—they begin to understand what it feels like to walk in someone else’s shoes. They can also absorb valuable examples of resilience.
Whether they’re about a dragon learning to control its temper or a little girl nervous on the first day of school, fictional stories help children relate to others’ emotions. This connection lays the groundwork for caring about others in real life.
There’s research that backs up this intuitive link between relating to fictional characters’ feelings and developing empathy, social smarts, and emotional intelligence. Contributing writer Andrea Hunt curated a list of touching picture books to help build empathy to get you started.
As kids get older, they’ll naturally want to pick their own reading material, and it’s wise to let them. You can still influence their choices, however—sometimes recommending a favorite title will do it. Other times, simply leaving out a stack of tempting and well chosen books will pique an older reader’s interest.
- Tip: Choose evocative stories that make readers care about the characters and relate to their feelings. If a story makes you tear up as you read, it may be a good pick!
2. Read Stories About Characters Who Are Different
It’s tremendously meaningful for kids to see people like them represented in books, so provide your child with chances to see themselves reflected in fiction. At the same time, stories also offer a valuable opportunity to help kids empathize with people who are different than they are. It’s well worth your while to make a conscious effort to select books with characters from different cultures, backgrounds, abilities, interests, and experiences, too.
These stories broaden your child’s perspective and normalize diversity. Whether they’re about a refugee family, a child in a different part of the country or world, or a sympathetic character with a different background or personality than your child, these narratives help kids see the world through someone else’s eyes—and feel for them.
You can stretch your child by including excellent stories about people or experiences they might know less about or relate to less. Kids often gravitate to finding a sense of identity based on exclusion, from boys vs girls in preschool to jocks vs drama kids in middle school. Widely diverse fiction can gently push them and build tolerance that they’ll apply in real life.
- Tip: It helps build empathy when kids can relate to a character in some way, even if the character is outwardly very different from them. Look for emotionally complex, sympathetic stories that create nuanced characters that kids can really get invested in.
3. Talk About What You Read
When you read aloud to your child, take a little time to chat. If your little one interrupts the story to talk about it or to share their own experiences, that’s gold—embrace it. You can also spark reflection with gentle questions about how your child would feel in the character’s situation, and get the conversation going by sharing your own (genuine) reactions or experiences.
As your child gets older and reads independently, look for opportunities to connect around books—without stepping on their toes too much. If they read a book you’ve read, try chatting with them about it. If they recommend a book to you, make it your business to find time to read it. You can also ask if they have any recommendations of books you should check out.
Consider questions and prompts like:
- “This story makes me remember a time I felt so embarrassed/sad/shy…”
- “Wow, I feel so sad for this character—it never occurred to me that someone might feel that way.”
- “Have you ever had something like that happen to you?”
- “Have you ever felt that way?”
- “How do you think that made her feel?”
- “What would you do if you were in his shoes?”
- “Why do you think they acted that way?” “I think…”
Open-ended questions help your child reflect on emotions and motivations. You don’t need to quiz them—just be curious together. Let the conversation flow naturally. Over time, this kind of reflection will become a habit, helping kids become more thoughtful and aware of others. It can also help them learn to assume good intentions and handle conflicts more patiently.
This will not only turn them into a kinder person, but it will also make them better at social interactions, smoothing their path a bit as they grow up.
- Tip: Provide a reading journal and encourage your child to chronicle their reactions to books. Reflecting on their reading and exploring their thoughts about it in writing, as well as conversation, can also support emotional intelligence and self-expression.
4. Be Kind and Responsive
Empathy is caught, not just taught. The way you respond to your child as you talk about books (or other things!) matters, too. Listen without interrupting. Acknowledge your child’s thoughts and feelings. If your child resists, don’t push too hard. Children—like all humans—can be sensitive. It is painful to relate to difficult feelings, even in fiction.
Sometimes, the difficult emotions or situations facing a fictional character may feel too painful for your child to handle. In these cases, they may act like they don’t care or even say something cruel about the person suffering the difficulty. Don’t assume this means your child doesn’t care about others. It may actually be a sign that they need to put some space between themselves and the character, because the feelings are too real.
Overall, show your child the empathy and compassion you’d like them to develop. As you model warmth, patience, and curiosity, your child will learn how to offer those same qualities to others.
- Tip: Cultivate responsiveness in your interactions with your child. Responsive parenting is actually associated with raising smart, emotionally intelligent kids and will build your bond as your child grows.
The Takeaway
You don’t need fancy tools or complex lessons to teach empathy and social-emotional intelligence. A simple story, a quiet moment, and a little conversation can go a long way.
Remember, raising children is a long-term marathon, not a sprint. You don’t have to do it all, all the time. A bit of intentionality and some moments of meaningful connection can be pivotal.
So next time you settle in for a bedtime book, remember: you’re not just reading a story—you’re growing a heart.
