One New Year’s Eve when I was a teenager, no one in my family had any plans. On a whim, my mother, siblings, and I headed to San Francisco’s wonderful, multi-story Green Apple Books, an independent bookstore that’s been an institution in the city since its founding in the late 1960s. We browsed the store’s extensive collection of used books, then we picked up dim sum from a hole-in-the-wall restaurant near the bookstore and took our haul home for a cozy evening.
We crammed together in our cluttered, bookshelf-lined living room to read and indulge in our takeout feast. We probably lit a fire in our old fireplace at some point, and our dog and cat snoozed right in the middle of it all. No one straggled off to entertain themselves behind closed doors; without personal devices, internet, or individual TVs, there was little to draw us apart.
It was a simple and quite modest celebration, but it proved to be happier and more memorable than many other more extravagant holidays other years—and it opened the door to the kind of conversation and connection that shaped us.
Raising my own kids, I’ve found that parenting in the 21st century doesn’t lend itself to these sorts of moments, especially as children grow into tweens and teens. The endless screens are not only distracting and disturbingly riveting, but they also mean kids less often feel bored enough to drift into the living room looking for connection and entertainment. Overscheduling and the FOMO that reinforces it also take their toll.
All this has left me feeling that it’s more important than ever to be very intentional about building moments of connection, conversation, and bonding into our family lives. One way to do that is to create a few special family traditions or rituals that create space for connection and shared reflection, building our kids’ characters and strengthening our families. Simple, small habits can become cherished traditions that help weave the family culture that makes a household unique and binds its members together.
The turn of a new year can be a great time for this. It feels like a moment worth celebrating, but without gifting or many specific traditions, there’s an opening to build your own. So, this New Year, why not try engaging your family in a little reflection and conversation? It can be as deep or goofy as you feel like—the main point is to connect and enjoy each other.
You can start with this family year-in-review activity (there’s even a printable worksheet to use with smaller kids) and then make some resolutions together for the year to come. Then consider taking it deeper by looking farther ahead and farther back. Check out the ideas below for easy ways to spark fun and meaningful conversations with kids of all ages.
(Note: If your child isn’t feeling the conversation, let it go and try another time. You never know what sticks, and sometimes the chats that feel like failures to us—you know, the ones that last about 30 seconds or where we get nothing more than a grunt in reply—have a deeper impact on our kids than we realize.)
Daydream Together: Resolutions for Future Years
Help your child come up with resolutions for the year ahead. If the idea is new to them, explain the concept and share a few you’re considering yourself. Then suggest a fun game: coming up with a goal or resolution for future years. What is something your child would like to do, try, or accomplish the year after next? In 5 years? In 10? In elementary school, middle school, high school?
This is a chance to get your child sharing their ideas and dreams with you, as well as thinking ahead. It’s also a gentle way to build excitement about goals they want to work towards that may inspire and motivate them. If they’re in the mood, you may get them thinking about trying new things, from joining a play or sports team to becoming a camp counselor someday—or even imagining possible careers or college majors.
Just be sure to keep it low-stress and fun! If they say they want to be an astronaut when they’re 20, there’s no need to tell them to study harder now to meet their goal—or point out how unlikely they may be to achieve it. Simply lean in, listen well, and enjoy daydreaming together.
Reinforce Memories & Reflection: Remember Together
You can help your child build their sense of identity, family belonging, and resilience when you help them reinforce positive memories across the years. Talking about happy times you’ve shared fortifies those memories—but recalling challenges overcome can be just as powerful. It takes the sting out of harder recollections, and builds your child’s confidence in their own resilience.
My family spent a school semester in France when my youngest child was starting kindergarten. Discussing stories from that time helps her hold on to memories that could easily become elusive. It’s also helped turn some of the challenges into a narrative of resilience. Lacking confidence in speaking French, she struggled to make friends. In fact, her first friends at school quickly unfriended her for talking too little and running too fast (she caught them in tag). It’s become a running joke for us that helps remind her she can handle setbacks.
At New Year’s, after reflecting on the past year, it may be fun for your family to delve farther back. Does your child remember a favorite moment from the year before last? The one before that? Even small children can recall some special memories, especially with a little help. Looking at old photos or videos together can also spark or rebuild more recollections.
You could even try making a list together of memories from different years and then store it as a fun keepsake that can spur even more happy memories and reflection in years to come.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
