Where do you turn for answers to your parenting questions, from lactation and nutrition to sleep training and self-care? Parents of young children have so many questions, and friends, family, pediatricians, and Google typically top the list of info sources. But generative artificial intelligence (AI) searches are on the rise, because of their novelty, ease of use, rapid responses, and personalization.
Ask Google a question and you’ll get inundated with page after page of search results. Ask a generative AI tool like ChatGPT a question and it’ll deliver a tidy, conversational (if not always accurate) response. The package is a bit more fun, and less overwhelming for sleep-deprived parents of littles.
And parents are using AI tools for more than just simple Q&A. They’re making product comparison charts for baby items, designing meal plans, and even generating personalized stories and illustrations. A student in my Reading Made Simple course told me he’s used ChatGPT to help him come up with simpler ways to explain things to his toddler. He types in what he wants to say and the machine tells him how to rephrase that for toddler comprehension. How’s that for a handy translation service?
Innovative AI Tools to Assist With Your Parenting Questions
There’s also lots of parent experimentation on the AI app development side as well. Tech founders and thought leaders (aka moms) are using AI in novel ways, including parsing big data sets to share relevant, actionable nuggets that would be hard and time-consuming to gather or navigate otherwise. They leverage natural language processing and artificial intelligence technology to aid parents’ decision-making and bolster quality of life.
Here are a few sites to watch:
- Reshma Saujani, founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First, has set up PaidLeave.ai to tell parents if they’re eligible for paid leave, how much money they can get, and how to submit their claims.
- Emily Oster, economist and ParentData founder, launched Zelma.ai to share state assessment data in ways parents can understand. Thanks to OpenAI’s GPT-4 language model, parents can type in questions in plain language and the digital research assistant responds with tailored text and visuals.
- Carly Buxton, founder of Nessle.com, created the AI-powered search engine to broaden parents’ networks, elevate parenting experts’ profiles, and connect the two to better support kids.
Importantly, the goal of these tools isn’t to replace human interaction with machine conversations. Rather, they’re all focused on giving parents easier ways to benefit from AI strengths—rapidly sifting through bottomless data—so that parents can get back to taking care of their little people. They aim to enhance the parenting journey, not outsource it.
How to Use AI to Reach Parenting Experts
Watch the video below to hear me chat with Buxton about how Nessle uses generative AI to filter the noise that overwhelms modern parents so they can get tailored help, not an onslaught of information.
In a nutshell, the “site offers an alternative for parents who have a question,” Buxton says. “They have a challenge and they don’t really feel like Googling or posting on Facebook and getting a million answers and anecdotes and opinions and outdated advice. We offer a place where parents can go, ask a question of our digital concierge, and we run it through an AI-powered algorithm and provide them with three suggestions of a path forward.” And, notably, all of the paths center on “talking to human beings.”
This sense of person-to-person connection was something Buxton sorely missed when having her first child in Boston, far from her friends and family in Virginia. “I was really lacking a support system and felt out of control of my own birth,” she recalls, “and I decided to dive into that entire industry and do something about it.” With a background in user research, she gravitated toward using technology as a way to connect parents with experts who offer parent support services, from coaching to support groups to other kinds of guidance.
Nessle’s still in its infancy, but a few promising elements stand out in Buxton’s approach.
- Personalization: Parents get the chance to share some info about their parenting style, kids’ ages, and ideal support expert (e.g., fairy godparent, science teacher, trusted big sibling, friend who makes me laugh) to inform Nessle’s search results. Plus, they can phrase their queries in everyday language. Think: My colicky baby just won’t let me sleep. I’ve tried everything! This freedom gives the search box the air of a confessional booth where a parent of a young child who needs to vent can offload their thoughts and worries without filtering.
- Manageable search results: The nonjudgemental algorithm processes the parent’s words to recommend just a few paths forward—people, experts, creators, or products who can help. Experts on the site offer in-person and virtual one-on-one coaching calls, support groups, courses, and more. From there, the parent can choose their next step. Search results are limited to the database of experts who’ve registered with Nessle so their strength will depend upon the match between what you seek and the experts’ specialties. Newborn care specialists outnumber tween/teen advisors, for example. As the expert count grows, though, the search results will improve in quality without overwhelming with quantity.
Watch my interview with Nessle founder Buxton to learn more about:
- How Nessle uses an AI-powered algorithm to analyze parents’ questions and match them with the most suitable experts, such as doulas, lactation consultants, or sleep coaches.
- Why Nessle prioritizes human interactions, connecting parents to professionals versus content or automated responses.
- The kinds of experts across parenting stages who are on Nessle.
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Wandering the halls of the high school I’d attended 25 years before, I was flooded with an enormous sense of gratitude. I remembered all the opportunities I got to lead, to serve, and to learn as a kid growing up in Akron, Ohio. I recalled the people who’d animated the classrooms and corridors of Case Elementary School, Litchfield Middle School, and Firestone High School. I remembered the experiences and relationships that made me. I thought, too, of my parents, who’d bought a home in the district in the 80s because of the good schools and who tirelessly shuttled me to and from every enrichment program known to man—for years.
I’d spoken to Stephanie Malia Krauss, the author of Whole Child, Whole Life, just the week before about how parents can help their kids find their passions. She made the point that parents’ investments in kids’ interests can be crucial for the children’s lifelong health and happiness. And she said that when parents are intentional about “allowing our kids to be exposed to and explore things that interest them, things that feel really good and enjoyable, we not only support their health, including their mental health and healing, but their learning and development.” Yet it took a stroll down memory lane to really bring home the point of how much exposure, exploration, and experiences matter.
Back in my hometown for my high school reunion, I remembered who I was in those formative years. I saw my present self anew, as a culmination of all that nascent becoming. I remembered memorizing and reciting poetry, writing art criticism, MCing the Green and Gold Revue, researching women’s undergarments for a senior project, starting a spirit team, plastering the school with posters declaring No Payne No Gain / Maya Payne for Student Council, joining PEACE (People Encouraging the Acceptance of Cultures Everywhere), and so much more. In retrospect, it’s clear that the freedom to pursue eclectic interests contributed immeasurably to the purpose—and wellness—I enjoy today.
Now, the question became, how should I let that realization inform my approach to my daughter’s interests, knowing that the trauma of Covid and the specter of tech and social media make her generation’s childhood experience considerably unlike my own?
Help Your Child Find Their Interests
Krauss advises that parents should follow childrens’ leads, while also keeping in mind that they need a certain level of exposure to different potential interests in the first place. Interests don’t fall from the sky, they grow from the seeds scattered about the rich spaces at home, in schools, in the community, in books, in media, and (yes!) online. Parents have to facilitate the circumstances that give kids a “chance to feel and see what they might be interested in,” she explains. “Kids can only lead to what they know is possible.”
Nurturing interests takes time and attention. Krauss offered the example of the years-long unfolding of her son’s passion for baseball. When he was just a few years old, his family noticed that he was drawn to stadiums and thought they might have a budding architect on their hands. They filled his arms and head with books about stadiums, and he developed a particular fondness for baseball stadiums and the sport they house. He took the interest in hand by building LEGO replicas of favorite venues and diving into historical fiction about baseball. Now 12, he plays baseball on a team and is drawn to baseball commentary, which he listens to via transistor radio. His parents, still attentively investing in his ever-evolving passion, are working on ways to get him into a broadcast booth.
Observing, listening, providing access, and practicing patience with curiosity and exploration are all the name of the game.
Ways to Invest in Your Child’s Interests
Krauss believes that young people learn constantly and that the adults in their lives should foster learning wherever and whenever it occurs—at home, at school, in the community, even online. And while it may take some time to research the options available to your child, cost often doesn’t need to be a barrier, thanks to public-service missions, community access days at cultural institutions, fee waivers, and sliding payment scales.
Embrace enrichment. “What we call the extras are often the most essential,” she says. A lot of the best learning around kids’ interests happen in music, art, or other activities outside of formal school instruction. Programs at libraries, museums, and other sites ignite and sustain kids’ interests.
Leverage literature. Libraries are the ultimate space for exposing kids to potential interests, because they offer space and time to explore new things. Built to foster curiosity, they house books and magazines that introduce kids to people, ideas, and places they might not otherwise come across. Plus, she says, they can let kids see people who look like them and who have a shared interest (e.g. chess, anime), geographical location, ethnicity, or other resonant trait.
Value virtual experiences. Access to libraries, museums, and other community spaces varies widely, so it’s important to count online spaces among those available to nurture kids’ interests. Parents can help guide kids to carefully access articles, videos, podcasts, online courses, and other content online. As Covid taught us, there are even virtual clubs, camps, and music lessons.
Treasure downtime. As we spoke, Krauss referenced play and rest as a part of this process as well, gesturing to some of her son’s LEGO creations, which sat just feet away from her desk. “Allow them that downtime to kind of integrate what they have been exposed to, what they might be interested in, and to literally and figuratively play it out,” she advised. Kids need a chance to reflect on daily activity, as well as to rest and recover from it.
Help Your Child Find Their Passions & Meet Their Potential
As parents, we often have an end in mind when making decisions about our children’s activities. We may enroll them in soccer to get them outside, get them moving, and let them experience being a part of a team. Or, we might thrust a book in their hands to deepen knowledge of a topic they’ve shown an affinity for.
But Krauss’s take is that it’s wellness, not only “readiness,” that we’re really after for our kids. So, in that vein, hold space for enjoying the journey, even if it doesn’t directly support college or career ambitions. In addition to helping your child reach their potential, fun, creativity, connection, exploration and agency all support a life well lived.
As a former pre-K teacher, Krauss loves alliteration. Here are five Es she offers as reminders for lighting the path of your child’s interests:
- Exposure is a light introduction to a variety of things, activities, and ideas that kids may or may not be interested in—along with the space to be curious and open-minded about them. It’s an idea tidily summed up in the catchphrase, “you can’t be what you can’t see,” Krauss explained. “If kids aren’t exposed to it, how could they possibly know if they’re going to be interested in it or not?”
- Exploration and Experimentation are about giving the child room and resources to engage with the topic on their own terms by doing, building, creating, and asking questions. The parents may have set the table, so to speak, but kids have “voice and choice” over how they initiate, sequence, and personalize their engagement. Their discovery is open-ended and inductive. They are gaining knowledge without having any specific theory or hypothesis in mind. Experimentation, for me, suggests taking things a bit deeper and building insight through trial and error and testing their ideas.
- Experience and Expertise imply significant time on task. For example, this is the level when a child decides soccer is their thing and goes beyond interest to commitment. At this point, their identity begins to shift from someone who plays soccer to a soccer player. Krauss says that interests aren’t only about enjoyment, and the final E of expertise comes when kids are also challenged by their pursuit and they stretch themselves to attain mastery. We parents should intentionally support what Krauss calls “the wide and long of their lives.” The wide is their exploration of interests across settings—home, school, summer, community, etc. And the long means throughout their lives.
Be Supportive & Encouraging in Everyday Moments
Clearly, taking kids on trips or paying for extracurricular programs and activities are ways we invest in our children’s interests. But those are far from the only ways to make that investment. Parental investment is present also, and perhaps moreso, in the little daily moments when we are present enough to listen well and affirm our kids’ budding expressions of interest.
“We hold the power that shapes and shifts kids’ interests based on our attention and responses,” Krauss writes. “Imagine a child who loves art and wants to pursue it. They pour their heart into their sketchbook and finally get up the courage to ask you to look at their drawings. What happens if you go over each drawing with awe and wonder? What about if you breeze through, busy and distracted? What if you say you don’t like their art, or sarcastically suggest they find a new hobby?”
Let this remind us to be encouragers for our children. We never know exactly where their quirky interests may lead, but we have it on good authority that supporting their curiosity, exploration, and experimentation bolsters their health and happiness.
Try This At Home
Ready to put Krauss’s recommendations into action? Get started with a quick two-part journaling exercise to sharpen your observations and prime your next steps.
- Notice and foster kids’ interests. Jot down a list of the children in your life. Beneath each name, list their interests and what you can do to support their exploration of those interests.
- Model your own purpose. Write down an interest you have—whether a physical activity, artistic pursuit, intellectual hobby, volunteer project, or other initiative—and jot down ways to increase your own exposure to it.
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When Jacquelyn Davis’s young son struggled to learn to read, she did everything within her power to get to the bottom of his difficulty and ensure he had the skills to survive. This involved repeatedly requesting meetings with teachers and administrators, calling educational experts, paying for outside reading assessments, and ultimately creating a board game to strengthen his reading.
Now, she’s taking the board game she created to the masses, starting an educational game company called Clever Noodle to produce and distribute it.
Her story is an inspiring example of a mother doing what it takes for her child. It’s also a glaring indictment of a system that all too often requires special time, knowledge, money, and social capital to secure basic skills for kids.
In this candid discussion, Davis shares her story about taking ownership of teaching her son vital foundational reading skills and finding fun ways to do it. I love her commitment and ingenuity, as well as the strong example of parent advocacy that she sets. Her story is a vivid reminder to respect our parental intuition and be vigilant about ensuring our kids get the attention, testing, support, and resources they need to thrive.
This conversation touches on really critical issues for parents to understand about reading instruction in schools:
- Why you shouldn’t take a wait-and-see approach with your child’s reading development
- Why early intervention is so crucial for fostering long-term reading success
- Why some parents look outside the system and spend money to have their children independently assessed
- How special resources and social capital contribute to reading success for many children
- Why play is a valuable tool in a parent’s toolkit to encourage reading practice
- How COVID widened existing disparities in education
- How evidence-based reading games can support learning
Maya Smart: Hello, I'm so excited to be here today with Jacquelyn Davis, the founder and Mom-in-chief of Clever Noodle, an educational game company. Jacquelyn, could you start by telling us a bit about your journey to becoming an educational game maker?
Jacquelyn Davis: Yes. It was not a journey I planned. I’ve actually been in the education sector for 30 years. I started off as a classroom teacher in high school and then I co-founded a charter high school to serve low-income students, to prove really that low-income students could achieve at an extremely high level if we as the adults did what we needed to do to provide them the opportunity and the strong support and instruction, and created an environment that was joyful and made them have a sense of belonging and really treated them wonderfully with the respect that they deserved. So that’s where I started. And then I’ve spent 30 years overall working in education with nonprofits, with foundations, and never did I think this was going to be the pivot that I would have in my career, but it came from a really personal place.
I knew that our son was struggling with reading and I was really wondering why, because he’s a very bright young boy and was really thoughtful in his insights about the world, even in his vocabulary. And yet he was really struggling to read and it was perplexing. But I went to the school when he was in kindergarten and said, I’m worried. He’s not learning his alphabet. He’s not remembering the letters. He can’t remember them in order. Is something wrong? And the school said, “Oh no, he’s just a late bloomer and he’s a boy. It’ll all be okay.” So being that they were the elementary school teacher and I taught high school and knew nothing about teaching children to read, I just trusted that they were right.
And then first grade came and he continued to struggle and he continued to struggle with really basic things. And I started to get increasingly worried. So again, I went up to the school and I asked for a meeting with the teacher and the principal and the head of supports in special ed, and they all came together and my husband was there and I said, “I’m really worried. I don’t think this is okay. I think something is off. I don’t know what it is, but I’m really worried.”
And they said, “Well, you shouldn’t be. He’s a boy. He’s a late developer, probably, it will all be okay. You can’t test a kid anyway until third grade. So there’s no reason to start testing him.” And I left and I said, “I think they’re wrong. And my husband said, “You have to trust them. They’re the educators.” And I said, “No, I’m the mom and I’m also an educator and I don’t think they’re right.” And so I started Googling and researching and reading that you could actually test children for dyslexia as early as kindergarten. You didn’t wait till third grade and early intervention was essential.
So our kid, like every other child in America, gets sent home for Covid. And I take a pause from work, extremely fortunate that I was in a position to be able to do that, but he couldn’t do the online learning. He struggled. He closed down the laptop screen. He also has ADHD, so it was a modem that really didn’t work for him as a child, and he just wouldn’t do it. And I was getting increasingly worried and increasingly stressed.
And so I said to the teacher, “Look, just tell me what the learning objectives are and I will try to figure out how to help him learn them.” And I realized after a short period of time that he was so resistant to reading — loved math and great in math — but so resistant to reading that I couldn’t get him to do anything. He literally would get under the kitchen table and cry, curl up into a ball. It was awful.
And I started thinking, this kid is a kid that really loves games. He likes board games. He likes card games. I’m going to start making games and I’m going to see if that’s a way in. And so that’s how it happened. I made my first game on the box back of a box that arrived from all the shipments we all got during Covid and he really liked it and it engaged him and it hooked him and he started progressing.
And so then I made another game and then I made another game and his teacher said, “What are you doing? He’s making huge progress. What are you doing?” And I said, “I’m making games.” And she said, “Well, can I have some too for the other kids who struggle?” Sure. So I gave her a set and she said, “You have to publish these. They work for all kids.” And so that’s where this happened.
Maya Smart: Wow. There are a couple of things that jump out as you relate your story. One is just this sense as the mom that something is wrong and that it needs to be addressed at a pace that people within the school, as well-intentioned and well-meaning as they are and as committed to your son's academic success as they are, they didn't have that same sense of urgency that you as the mom had. What was it that nudged you to just dig into research to figure things out after so many no's? Many people would've quit after the second round of no's from not just the teacher, but the teacher and the principal and the interventionist.
Jacquelyn Davis: Well, I think as probably most moms listening to this know in their heart, when it’s your kid, you’re going to do what it takes. You’re going to do whatever is in your power to make the difference and help your child.
And because I had been in education, I knew how critical it was for children to read by third grade on grade level, and that the children that don’t have four times the rate of dropout from high school and 75% of the children who don’t read at grade level by fourth grade never will because we as a system don’t do what’s needed. And so I knew all too well the dire data and the dire consequences. So I was probably more nervous than most moms because I knew too much.
And I went to my best friend in tears and I said, “I don’t know what to do. No one thinks I’m right. All the teachers are telling me I’m wrong.” And she said, “You are the mom. You have mom instinct. Follow your instinct.” And that was a great turning point. And I went home that night and I said to my husband, “We’re testing him, we’re getting him tested so we figure out what’s wrong, if there’s something wrong, and we’re going to know more.”
And I started getting online and reading everything I could. I ordered books. I read how to teach phonics. I read how to teach your child reading. I read all about the reading science. I found the Yale Center for Dyslexia. I read everything they had online and I just started learning. But I recently heard a survey that 94% of parents don’t know that reading is not a natural skill, that reading is a learned, needed to be taught skill.
And so there’s just an enormous misconception in the world, which frankly I had too. I was one of those kids that read at four years old, and I don’t know how, I just did. And so I thought every kid was like that. And so when my own son wasn’t reading, I thought, Oh my God, what’s wrong here and what can I do and what’s happening? And then I came to understand that most children, most children need structured explicit work to learn to read, and they need that kind of support.
And I think your book is incredibly important, particularly since so many parents still believe reading is a natural skill, and so they don’t know what to do. And your book helps them understand it’s not a natural skill, it’s a learned skill that must be taught in a very structured, explicit way. And it also empowers them to start to understand their role in this.
Because I think that’s the other problem as parents defer to educators because we trust them. We think they’re the expert. And we’re not. And not to say that the educators are not tremendously well intentioned, but 60% of our American elementaries still use curriculums that have been discredited and we know don’t work. And so parents actually have to become advocates. We have to know that just like math, where your kid has to be taught addition and subtraction and multiplication and division, because they’re not going to naturally just absorb it, it’s the same thing as reading.
Maya Smart: Absolutely. Can you talk a bit about how you sought testing for him? Were you able to get it in the school or did you have to seek outside resources for that?
Jacquelyn Davis: I’m so glad you asked that question because it’s one of the things that has me on fire. People say to me, “You’re on fire.” And I say, “Yeah, I’m on fire.” Because we are in a position so thankfully, so gratefully that I could go outside the system and pay a lot of money that the insurance doesn’t reimburse to get our son tested, to get data.
When I went to the school system and said, “I want to get him an IEP,” an individual education plan, under the special ed law, they said, “No, he doesn’t need it. And there’s not an educational problem that teachers are identifying. So he doesn’t warrant the process. He doesn’t warrant getting tested.” Well, now I know that’s actually incorrect, that you as a parent can force a review, an assessment of your child, but I didn’t know that at the time.
And after a five-month battle back and forth, when I couldn’t get him tested, I finally said, I’ll just go outside the system and I’ll pay. But again, incredible privilege frankly, that I could pay, that I could go get this for my child. And I’m angry because every child deserves that opportunity. Every child deserves the right to be understood, and we as adults in their lives, parents and educators must know so that we can get them the right support. So no, I didn’t get it through the system. Our whole story, frankly, and the success we’ve had with our son is a set of special resources, social capital, and financial ability that led us to be able to help our son. And had we not had those assets, our son would be like too many of the other children in this country and in the same position, not reading on grade level at fourth grade, which is the critical milestone.
Maya Smart: Thank you for sharing that story and being frank about the resources that you were able to deploy. That was one of the things that I highlighted in Reading for Our Lives, this idea that money is one of the ways that some people are able to get better academic outcomes for their child. Paying for tutoring was the example that I used in the book, but paying for assessments, even to figure out what the issue is, is also an advantage. And then you're also alluding to the luxury of time, to be able to research all of these things and find the resources, even those that are entitled to everyone within schools, but are often denied to people. So thank you for sharing.
Jacquelyn Davis: It’s interesting. I love the line in your book where you talked about tutoring because that resonated because yes, we paid for an assessment, but we also paid out of pocket for tutoring and intensive tutoring. Our son began the second grade 1.8 grade levels behind. And what the public system said to me is, “Until he’s a full two years behind, we’re not going to give him help. He has to be two years behind.”
And I said, “Well, what do you expect? He just stays permanently behind 1.8 years, because it’s just shy of two years? That makes no sense. That’s absurd.” And I said, “And there’s, clearly what’s going to happen is the kids that can read are going to read more and more and more, and the kids that can’t read are going to read less and less and less because it’s frustrating and it’s overwhelming and it makes them feel ashamed and it makes their self-esteem go into the tank. So they’re not going to read. And so the gap is going to widen and widen and widen, and if you don’t help him now it’s just going to get worse.”
And they said, “Yeah, until it’s two years, we’re not going to address it.” And so ultimately we moved him to an independent school that agreed to address it and has addressed it beautifully and done in-school tutoring three times a week for him that’s part of the tuition. Before we moved him there, we started getting tutoring outside of the system and paid for it ourselves. And it’s insanely expensive. I mean, we could barely afford it.
The other thing that’s really about education and privilege and social capital: One, I knew lots of people around the country to call because I had spent 30 years in the education community. And so I could get to experts and I could ask experts, “What do I read? Who do I talk to? How do I figure this out? Can my child be tested right now or do I have to wait till third grade?” So that was a huge advantage.
And then the other huge advantage we had is, as I said already, financial resources to put him in an independent school, to pay for the tutoring. But I also have a law degree. Now, I didn’t practice law. I started right out of law school in education because that was my passion, but I have a law degree.
And so when they would send me—the public system—a 27-page document to read two hours before the IEP meeting, one, I had the luxury of sitting at a computer working so I could read it opposed to sitting at a retail where I wouldn’t even have access. And they were not easy for me to read these documents, but I could sift through them with a law degree understanding enough, but then I had to sign a document. And it’s really hard to sign a document that you can’t get through that requires such expert understanding that most parents don’t have.
Maya Smart: Absolutely. Can you talk also about the role that the playfulness and the game, how that all fits into the ecosystem of reading support? So there's testing happening out of school, there's tutoring happening out of school and later in school. Why was it important to also layer in fun and games and family participation in this process?
Jacquelyn Davis: Yeah, the former superintendent, chancellor of the DC Public Schools, we call our title here, chancellor, Chancellor Henderson. Kaya Henderson speaks a lot about this, and she’s in our video on our Clever Noodle website, and you can see her talk about it, but she talks about play being a very powerful tool for children because it’s fun, because it lowers their anxiety. And so their entry point is much easier because they don’t feel a lot of anxiety. They stay engaged longer, and so they actually end up practicing longer.
And that’s exactly what we saw with our son. He did not want to have anything to do with reading. He completely rejected it and he was so resistant. But playing a game? Oh, sure. Playing some really cool Go Fish, that’s all about reading, playing a version of a blend of Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders into one game? Oh, sure. And we played all the time and his skills were getting better and better and better because we played so many hours and he practiced so much.
And at one point he says to me, “Mom, I know what you’re doing.” And I said, “Oh, what am I doing?” And he said, “You’re teaching me to read, but it’s okay because it’s fun.” So it was a way just to really hook him and engage him and build his hours of practice, build his time on task in a way that I wasn’t able to do with any other tools.
The way games sit though more in a larger context than just my own home, my own child is one, any family can play them with their children. And I think as parents, were often looking for ways to play games and engage with our children in a social interactive way to get them offline because they’re all spending too much time online.
But also how can we be part of it? How can we play with our child and feel good that we’re helping them learn some skill while they’re playing with us? And it might be a strategy skill or it might be a reading skill.
And so how do we have those games that we can purchase that we don’t have to be the expert, we don’t have to figure out the science of reading, but we can trust a brand to know they’ve figured out the science of reading. They’re committed to the science of reading and a hundred percent committed to it and won’t produce a game if it’s not aligned. And they’re a hundred percent committed to children’s play and fun. And so how can I as a parent then just go trust that and buy it and bring it home?
In a classroom setting, there’s a different opportunity. We need the science of reading in classrooms with the right curriculum and the right teacher instruction. But beyond that, teachers need kids to practice and it’s a lot easier to send them into a station rotation where three of the stations are, go play a game.
And when I tested this with hundreds of kids in schools, the kids loved it and the teachers said, “Oh my God, wait, can I have it now? Because I need this. My kids are engaged, they love the artwork, they love the gameplay, and they don’t want to leave, and I’m sending them back to class and they’re asking to stay. So how quickly can I get this?” So there’s a really important role both in the home and in the classroom to make learning fun and to really increase the practice that our children are getting.
Maya Smart: What you mentioned about the importance of aligned curriculum and also games that allow kids to practice skills independently. It's so important. And that's something where my views have evolved a bit. Early on, I was of the opinion that a really good teacher can use almost anything and teach these really critical, important lessons. And I think that's true if a teacher is well trained and understands the science of reading, really understands what goes into teaching kids and nuts and bolts of decoding and also building oral language and all of these things. But I've realized that if we're trying to get this to scale, if we're trying to make sure that every child really has a shot at becoming a reader, then we need to be able to support teachers with the right and curriculum. So that's definitely an area where I've evolved.
Jacquelyn Davis: Well, I think it’s also about teacher capacity and teacher time. We expect so much of our teachers, particularly during Covid and where we still are with Covid and all the challenges that that’s created for our children and our schools and how much disruption so many children across our country experienced.
Teachers have so much on their plate. Having to work with a curriculum that isn’t a hundred percent aligned to the science of reading, with the phonemic awareness, the alphabet principles, and phonics built in and background knowledge puts teachers at a disadvantage and puts a burden on them, not just to do the social emotional stuff in the classroom, not just to build the relationships, not just to make sure they’re looking at every single student and knowing where that student is coming from and how to meet that student’s needs. Those are all really hard things to do as a teacher, how to manage your full classroom, how to set up the dynamics of a classroom, how to build the culture. Those are hard things to do.
And so you need curriculum that’s reliable and validated that you can just use. And then yes, you’re going to modify some, and yes, you’re going to use your great teaching skill and your knowledge of your children to amend slightly or to adjust, but that’s where you should be spending your time and energy and building the relationships and talking to the parents outside of the classroom. And your time and energy should go there. And it should go to looking at student work and giving feedback, not to writing and designing curriculum.
And so we really should be adopting validated strong curriculum in this country, and then teachers would have the freedom to do more of what they can do best. And we still need our teachers to be trained as well in how to deliver the science of reading.
Maya Smart: So I gave the example on a speaking engagement recently of some kindergartners entering not knowing any letters, some knowing many letters, some knowing not even the first letter of their first name. And, since using that example, there have been second-grade teachers in audiences who've said, "My second graders were virtual for kindergarten and much of first grade. And they're entering now not knowing any letters, not knowing how to hold a pencil, not knowing how to write their names." So it's an even heavier burden placed on teachers to meet the needs of all of their students when some students were fortunate to have parents or tutors or others who could help keep them on track. And then others are even farther behind.
Jacquelyn Davis: And I’ve seen this firsthand. So I tested our first game, which is called Kangaroo Cravings. I tested it across schools, in schools across the whole city of Washington, DC and I went to an independent school that had actually been in session almost all of Covid. They only had the spring of 2020 off, and then they went back in person in session September of 2020. So they were one of the first in the city to go back.
And I tested the game, which is a high-frequency sight word game, with their second graders. And all of their second graders had out-developed the game. They had already developed all those skills and they didn’t need them. So then we went back and tested it at the same school with first graders, and about half of the first graders had developed out of that level of support and about half of them still needed it.
I then went to a public charter school that had been closed for a year and a half, and the kids had only been back in for a couple of months, and I sat down and tested it with the second graders. None of the second graders could play the game and knew developmentally with their reading on their reading journey, these skills. And so then we tested it with the third graders.
So here you have us at the independent school that was almost in session the entire time, dropping down grades. And then with the public school that was closed for almost a year and a half, and the kids had just returned, we were testing it with the second graders and had to go up the grades. And so even at the third-grade level, only about half the kids had that reading skill developed and the other half still didn’t.
And I said to the teacher, “This is devastating.” And he said to me, “It is. And you don’t even know how bad it actually is. It’s so bad.” And so you just see the haves and the have-nots being further and further and further divided through this experience. It’s why we care so much about equity. It’s why we have two national partners that are our equity partners.
So we have New Leaders, which is a national program that works with school leaders across the country, and that is enabling us to get games into 15 cities across the country that our backers on Kickstarter are donating the games. So we already have 350 games that will be donated for elementary schools in these 15 cities, all in low-income schools. And then we have another partner, which is the Black Alliance of Dyslexic Children, and we are partnering with them and they work directly with families.
And that way we’ll be able to get the games directly into households. So it’s an elementary school classroom strategy and a family strategy.
And we wanted to make sure that we could begin to reach families that are often more marginalized and don’t have the same opportunity that I’ve discussed that we had as a family, that they too will have access to the game because the game should be played by everyone. It’s fun for all children, and we’ve tested it with all children.
We’ve also tested it extensively with dyslexic children and children with other learning differences like ADHD to ensure that it works for all of them. And we’ve built special aspects and elements into the game to ensure it works for all children. And so that’s something I’m really proud of. My own son is dyslexic, and I wanted to make sure it worked for every dyslexic kid as well as it would work for a kid that was going to learn to read with effort, but still needing the same structured explicit literacy.
Maya Smart: So tell us a bit about the game, how it works and what kids can gain by playing it.
Jacquelyn Davis: So while the company is called Clever Noodle, our first game is called Kangaroo Cravings. And I’ll just show you really quickly. So this was our first version on the cardboard box from all of our Covid home deliveries that so many of us across the country were getting. And I created sort of a blend of Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders, with a little path that the characters would go on all the way to the pizza to win the pizza at the end, because my son loves pizza. And during Covid every Friday night, we started pizza night. And so it felt like, okay, let’s race to the pizza. We’re all eating pizza all the time.
And so that’s where the game started, and it’s now evolved into this board and I’m really excited. We worked with an amazing children’s book illustrator out of Bogota, Columbia to create the board, and we’ve tested it with, as I said, over a hundred children.
So we’ve also amended the board multiple times to get feedback from the children and ways in which it really works for them and it draws them in and ways in which it doesn’t. So one way we got feedback is we used to have, right toward the end, you would land on a bad spot and you’d have to go back four spaces. And the kids said, it’s just not fair. We’re so close to the end and you’re going to make us go back four spaces? Two. Two is maximum. So now it’s two because the kids really didn’t like it and they really didn’t think it was fair. And so we care so much about this being child-centered design and working for children that we made those adjustments.
So the game itself is a high-frequency sight word game, and it’s critically important for children to become very familiar and recognize high-frequency words that appear very often in children’s early literature. And the more familiar the children get with those words, the higher fluency they build, the faster they can read. And so that’s really important because when you read more fluidly and with more fluency, your comprehension also picks up because you’re able to read the full sentence opposed to having it be all chopped up and you’re struggling with the words, and by the time you get to the period or the exclamation point, you have no idea what the words said anymore. You have to go back and reread it.
So I’m going to show you some of the cards. There’s two kinds of words. There’s the high-frequency words that we want kids just to become so familiar with that they can spot them and they know them because they’ve practiced over and over and they can keep reading because they know the word. And then they’re what I call just the sight words, which means you literally have to memorize those words by sight, unfortunately, because those words break the rules, because it’s English and we have all these silly rules in English, and those words don’t follow the phonics patterns.
And so they break the rules and therefore you unfortunately just have to memorize them. Whereas the other rules, the other words, excuse me, words, you can learn by sounding them out and then eventually you still want them to become so familiar that they’re mapped to your brain.
One example I always give because it helps everyone understand what I’m talking about, is the word done. The word done is spelled d-o-n-e. And if you understand phonics, you should pronounce it doh-n, because that is how that word is structured, but it’s not doh-n, it’s done. And so that’s a word that a child just has to memorize and map to their brain so that when they see it, they know it’s done and it’s not doh-n.
And so what we’ve done in the card games, sorry, the cards that are part of the game is we’ve created cards that are in black with the sight or high-frequency word here.
And that signals to a child and the adults that you can actually decode this word. You can sound it out and learn it, and then you can map it to your brain by lots of practice. But if it’s a red word at the top, it’s a flag. This is one of those words that breaks the rules and you’re just going to have to memorize it over time. And so we differentiate between the words you can learn by sounding them out, and then lots of practice to read more fluently, and the words that you can’t sound out and you just have to learn them. And so we help children understand the difference.
And then the other thing we do is in each one of the cards, we break down the sounds of the letters and we help the children know, are those sounds that are the regular sound patterns, or are those sounds that are not. So this letter, this W letter is the right sound, it sounds like it’s supposed to, but then the next two letters don’t, so that’s the only awkward part of that word, but that W does sound like what you’re used to it sounding like. And it does sound the way you expect. So you’re also helping children know when to use what they know and when to recognize, oh, this is not the regular rule that I know, this is going to be different.
And then every one of our cards has one of our seven multi-sensory actions, and we have a little cheat sheet card to help the adults teach the children the actions so they don’t have to read anything more than the one word. And then the action tells them what they’re going to do in a multi-sensory way to help this word come into their body, to kinesthetically experience this word. And so this one is the little kangaroo tapping out the letters on his or her arm. This one is the kangaroo stomping her big foot. And so she’s stomping the letters of the word. Then she’s stomping the letters of the word again, and then she’s stomping the whole word.
This one is she’s doing them on her fingers, she’s doing the first letter, the second letter, the third letter on her fingers, saying the full word, doing it again. So working on learning those letters and then saying the full word. So they start to connect for a child and they get much more practice, but with ways that are multi-sensory and movement. It also helps an, it helps an ADHD child also stay more engaged.
The arrow is the number of spaces they move. So it’s randomized In the cards, there’s also three decks of cards. So there’s the first level, the second level, and the third level. And it increases in difficulty as children master one set and they move to the next set and then they move to the final set.
Maya Smart: And how would you describe the main benefits of the game and over what period of time to see if it's having an impact?
Jacquelyn Davis: Most children within three months of playing it, they’ll master a small subset of the words as they go. And so, in the instructions it says to the educators and the parents, you might want to just start with 20 of the cards in the first deck, and you might want to go over the words with the children at least one or two times just helping them recognize them.
But unlike flashcards where you just drill and kill and drill and kill, instead you review, you help children get some understanding and some learning, but it’s so basic they probably won’t remember it. And then you start playing and we suggest you play with a small batch until the kid gets more comfortable and learns more. And then you can move on to a bigger batch. And eventually you’ll go to level two and level three.
And so many kids do then learn all these words, all these high-frequency sight words, there’s 300 of them included in the game, they learn them in three to four months. Some learn them a bit faster and some much longer. So every child develops a little bit differently. But I would say three to four months is where most kids, if they’re playing the game regularly, if they’re not, it will take longer. You also can reinforce it in school obviously, and a teacher can pull apart batches of cards and make sure the cards match her scope and sequence of what she’s teaching children when. So it can really reinforce and help children.
And then the characters are really cute. There are these different kangaroos that are, I don’t know if you can see these, but these different little kangaroos and this kangaroo is actually being amended because a lot of the children don’t like it. They think it’s boring. So there’s some writing on that to fix it.
And then there are two ways to play the game. You can play it competitively against your other kangaroos to the race, to the pizza and win, or you can play it cooperatively. And so all the children become a team and they play against the raccoon. And this is another really important aspect of the game because for some children who are just starting out competing feels really intimidating. And the last thing we want to be is intimidating to children.
We want Kangaroo Cravings to be fun for every child, and we want them to lower their anxiety and want to be engaged in it. And so if a child’s going to do better or a group of children are going to do better with collaborative play, then you start there. If children want to compete, then you start there, but you have the flexibility.
It also gives a parent the flexibility for a mom to put her kid in the game and say, you’re going to play cooperatively against this kangaroo, I’m sorry, with your kangaroo against this raccoon, and I’m going to go stand here and cook dinner and I’m going to watch you play, but I’ll be right here and I’m going to cook dinner and you’re going to play.
And so as a mom who’s a working mom with a husband who also works a lot, I’m always trying to find ways that I can make sure my child is doing something wonderful and engaging and useful and educational and not on the screen while I do 12 other things. So I really thought about that in the development to see how could we make sure a working mom or a working dad who’s doing other things and is busy could also enable their child to play.
Maya Smart: Thank you so much for sharing your story and your game with us. In Reading for Our Lives, I talk about six big ways that parents can have an impact on their child's reading trajectory. And I talk about the importance of back-and-forth conversations, talking, and shared reading, and teaching, but also budgeting, connecting and advocating. And I think your story is one really of a parent taking ownership of teaching and finding a fun way to do it, because when we teach our kids one-on-one or in small groups at home, it doesn't have to look the way that things typically look in classrooms. So I love what you've created and I love the example of advocacy that you've shared with parents. This idea that trust your gut. If you feel there is something going on with your child that needs greater attention, scrutiny within schools, push to get that attention, testing, support however you can. So any final words for our listeners?
Jacquelyn Davis: Because so many of us are trying to get our children offline, playing a game, playing Kangaroo Cravings and the suite that we will build out for parents over near term, playing these games that we will produce through Clever Noodle will give you a chance to not only have your child learn, but will give you a chance to engage with your child and do something.
Games are a democratizing play thing because you’re all equal, you’re all in the same context, you’re all playing together, you’re all laughing and enjoying. And so it really does bring teachers and kids together, teachers in a classroom together, children in a classroom together, children with their families at home. It’s really a social engagement so that the learning becomes really active, but it also becomes really fun.
And so we say Clever Noodle is a seriously fun, surprisingly educational, learn-to-read game company. And we’re tabletop because we want kids offline and actively learning and engaging with other people so they build their social skills too. Thank you so much, Maya. I love your book. I recommend it highly to other families and to teachers and to pediatricians, and it’s helped me and I’ve really enjoyed reading it. And thank you so much for your time today.
Maya Smart: Thank you so much.
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At first, parents are focused on reading aloud to their children, but there quickly comes a day when kids need to practice reading to us. But finding simple, yet engaging, books that little ones can sound out on their own is a real challenge. Luckily, a number of decodable readers have come on the market to fill this need for books that can be read with just a beginning knowledge of letter-sound correspondences. They are short and feature phonetically regular words, but also incorporate a little storytelling so kids get more than boring predictable text like, Mat sat on a hat.
In this conversation with Sara Cotner of Montessori for All, we chat about how to help kids become thriving readers, the parent-school partnership, and Monarch Readers, a line of thoughtfully crafted decodable readers books her organization has developed.
Sara is founder and CEO of the organization, which is committed to “increasing the number of children who have access to transformational public schools” with the Montessori approach, embedded social and emotional learning, and culturally responsive communities.
Watch our conversation (or scroll down for the transcript) to learn Sara’s science-based tips for raising a reader, including:
- What to do at home to help your child read
- What to ask your child’s school and teachers
- How to choose books for kids to read alone
- Ways to support your child’s teachers
- And when you need to do more
Maya Smart: I am so excited to be here today chatting with Sara Cotner, the executive director of Montessori for All, a national nonprofit based in Austin, Texas, that I had the privilege of serving as a board member on many moons ago. So Sara, tell us a bit about Montessori for All and then we'll dive into a little discussion of some exciting new books you've released.
Sara Cotner: Montessori for All really believes in transformational education. We believe that education has the potential to unleash human potential and help every child shine their light in the world. And when every person can shine their light, then we will be on a path to having a more just and peaceful world for everyone. So we launched a public Montessori school in Austin, Texas, and now we work with that school to do research and development on ways to bring more transformational practices to schools across the nation. So we do that through publishing tools and resources and doing professional development and coaching and consulting as well.
Maya Smart: It's a really big and powerful mission. The idea of transformational education is so big, and yet there are so many details that have to be attended to in the individual learning journeys of every child with their own particular needs. Reading is a big foundational pillar in any education of a child. From a parent's perspective, you want to raise a reader, you know to go to the library, get some books, read to them every night. These are sort of the things you have been told to do. Are there things that you would add that parents should be aware of?
Sara Cotner: Luckily, anyone listening to this or watching this is on the right track for building a reader, because so much of it comes down to oral language development, and families who care a lot are the same families who are talking to their children all the time, reading books to their children. So you build a really strong foundation of oral language. I actually think of it as like an iceberg, and teaching a child to read is the very tip of that iceberg. And oral language is everything under the surface. So with strong oral language, children are going to have a really strong foundation. Then there is this piece around phonological awareness, and that’s just playing with sounds and those are playing games with your children. If you give the word cat to the child, you want them to be able to segment that into C-A-T, you want them to hear the sounds in it, and then you want to say, okay, now I’m going to give you another word D-O-G, now I want you to blend that together to make one word: dog.
And so that’s kind of building on the oral language, getting really strong phonological awareness skills. And from there you then start teaching phonics. And it’s pretty straightforward except that English is just very, very complicated. So we teach letter sounds to children, and letter sounds matter so much more than letter names. And that’s kind of confusing in the world out there. So knowing letter sounds. And then once they know letter sounds, they can start reading basic words, like cat and dog and sat and sit. Then you start teaching the things that are tricky about English, like two letters that go together to make a different sound. So if I put E and A together, I don’t say “eh-ah,” I say “ee” or I say “eh,” depending on whether it’s bread or meat. There are just so many different combinations. And several children need that to be very clear.
They need to systematically learn when these two letters go together, they make this sound. When these letters go together, it makes this sound. Some children don’t need that at all, and they will become strong readers without that. But a large percentage of children do need phonics. The set of unspoken rules, it has to be very clear to them. And this is where decodable readers are so helpful. Educators who are following the science of reading are moving away from pattern books, where it says, this is a dog, this is a cat. And the children are really using the pictures to help them read the words. And instead we want to ground them in sounding everything out because we want them to have a really strong correspondence between the letters that they see and the sounds that they make.
Maya Smart: And talk a little bit about the connection between school and home as kids walk through the path that you described. So there's the oral language piece and then the playing with sounds, and then phonics, and then teaching the trickier spelling patterns and other issues that you mentioned. But should parents be doing all of these things? When should they start thinking about these things or working on these things? Is there a handoff to school at some point, or should there continue to be a collaboration in raising the reader?
Sara Cotner: That’s a great question. Families as partners is so huge, and I think it starts from a very young age, just being with your children, using real vocabulary, using real words, actually using real words. That strong oral foundation is going to set children up for so much. When children go into school with strong oral language, large vocabularies, and a lot of background knowledge, that sets them up to really soar as readers. The other thing I will add is it is important to make sure that the school you’re sending your children to is grounded in the science of reading. So you want to hear your child’s teachers talking about teaching phonics, and you can ask them, “Well, how do you teach phonics?” And you don’t want it to sound like, “Oh, well we just embed it when we’re reading a book. I’ll point out the sounds.” It’s like, no, no, you want it to be systematic and sequential.
And again, not every child needs it that way, but a lot of children do. And so you want schools to be taking that approach. And if your child’s school is taking that approach, I would just continue doing rich read-alouds, taking your children to museums, talking about the world, and asking them how their day was, and they will likely flourish. But if your child’s school is not teaching phonics and is not following the science of reading, then you might want to actually purchase a curriculum and teach them at home. One curriculum that I think is very family-friendly is called All About Reading, and it has step-by-step lessons that you can teach to your child at home. But again, I would only do that if the school legitimately is not doing it, because you don’t need to overwhelm your child.
When your child comes home, they should really enjoy their home life and enjoy their family. They shouldn’t be doing school at home unless it’s really not being done at school. And then the other thing is just to ask your child’s teacher, “How can I support you at home? Are there things you want me to be doing with my child at home to support you?” And that can build a really strong partnership. And then you also do want to make sure you have a rich selection of books at home. And the decodable readers are the hardest thing to get your hands on. This is why we ended up building our own, because there just aren’t enough on the market. But really look for high-quality decodable readers. And by decodable, that means they’re grounded in phonics. They are words that children can sound out. They don’t put the word beautiful in a book for a child.
They are words that can be sounded out, but you also want the books to make sense, because you want children from the very beginning to understand that we read in order to make meaning. And to answer your question about when, you want to watch your child and observe your child to see when they are interested in language. A lot of times in Montessori schools, we see this happening with three year olds, four year olds. We see them wanting to read signs, they want to be like the adults around them. And so as soon as we see that interest, we will start training children on letter sounds. That’s the first step, is making sure they learn all of their letter sounds.
Maya Smart: With the decodable readers, I think many people are familiar with—Bob Books is one popular series and there are some others. There's some newer ones out now. There's one that will sort of customize the image within the book to look like your child or include their name or their favorite color and different elements like that. Tell us a bit about Monarch Readers. What makes them distinctive among decodable readers?
Sara Cotner: We developed Monarch Readers because our teachers wanted more books to use with children. There just aren’t enough beautiful, rich decodable readers out there. There are lots that we use. We do use Bob Books. We do use Ms. Rhonda’s Readers. We just needed more, because emerging readers go through books so quickly. And we also work in a public school that is intentionally diverse—racially, culturally, socioeconomically, in terms of neurodiversity and physical abilities.
And so we just wanted our children to be able to see themselves reflected on the pages of our book. When children are learning to read, they’re usually between zero to six years old. And it’s a range of time when children are developing their personalities and when children are building their personalities, you want them to see themselves reflected in the books that they’re looking at, because that gives them messages that they are worthy of showing up in stories.
And you want them to see the beauty that is the world. And the world is a collection of so many different people. And so we were just struggling to find books that kind of met that criteria. We wanted books that were phonetically controlled, where it was really isolating the difficulty for children, where it was giving them beginning phonics and then medium-level phonics and then harder phonics. We wanted it to be scaffolded, but we also wanted it to make sense. We didn’t want everything to be about Sam and ham. We wanted our readers to laugh at the stories and to get new ideas in the stories.
So these books were written by two teachers who wanted them for their own classroom and for their children. And so they put in messages related to social and emotional learning. There’s a story where a boy gets so mad he kicks over this bucket of sand at the sandbox and everybody has to come together to solve this conflict. And so we just put in messages that we are trying to help cultivate in children related to self-regulation and kindness and empathy. So all of those are integrated into the books as well.
Maya Smart: So it really is bringing together elements that you don't often find together. So when people think about decodable readers, they really are thinking about those skills and opportunities to practice certain elements of phonics, and they aren't necessarily thinking about them as stories even, or literature, or something worthy of a beautiful illustration. So can you talk about how the books have been received so far?
Sara Cotner: Yeah, and people are, those of us who work with children that young, we know that they are so impressionable and they deserve the most beautiful things. And it’s easy to write them off and say, oh, we can just use these pencil illustrations, these line drawings or whatever. And not real characters, but they deserve the very best because they’re forming their impressions of the world at that time. And we want them to hold beautiful things in their hands and feel like, “Ooh, reading is cool. This is really fun.” And have a really positive experience. So that’s how we designed them and they are being received in that way.
We’re getting messages from people that their children just want to sit and read all of them at the same time and get through all of them. And then we’ve had, I think the most poignant reactions for me have been from teachers of color or moms of color who pick up the books and literally tear up because they’re so used to not seeing themselves reflected in the books that they try to put in front of their children. We have sold our books at homeschooling conferences. And so homeschooling moms of color are so used to so much curriculum that’s just very, very, very, very white. And so they’re so grateful to have books that reflect their children back to them. We have characters in there who are in—a character who’s in a wheelchair. We have a character who is deaf. So there’s just a variety of—that reflects the beauty that is this world. So the reception has been really positive so far.
Maya Smart: What ages of children most enjoy these books?
Sara Cotner: We use them with three year olds through third grade. And third grade’s getting kind of up there. But we have—third graders who are below grade level in reading need these books to help them learn how to read. And they still find them interesting enough. We’re working on the next set of series, which is going to be for older children that will be more tailored to them. Ours are really tailored for children who are three years old to first or second grade, but they can be used with third graders as well. But really it’s about following the child and knowing what their reading ability is. So our books start when children can recognize common sight words. The first book starts with a and the as two important sight words that children just memorize. And then they can decode three-letter words like cat or bug.
And that’s where the first book starts. And every book, at the front, will tell families, these are the sight words that children have to have mastered before they read this book. And these are the phonetic skills that children need to have mastered before they read this book. Because we want the children to experience success. We want to teach those skills in isolation and then put the book in front of them, where they can feel really successful and their learning gets reinforced. And all of our books are sold in sets. There are five levels and each level has about six books. Four levels have six books. The first level has three books, and all levels come with the site word cards that are needed for those books. So you can use them as flashcards.
Maya Smart: And I think it's important to remind parents that this is just part of what kids are reading or part of the reading experience. So you're still continuing to read to them all kinds of books, introducing more complex vocabulary that they wouldn't be able to send out. They're still flipping through other kinds of books. It's just part of a larger picture of reading.
Sara Cotner: And the reason why such a solid foundation is so important is because as they get older, because kids who are really smart, they start to memorize words, they start to look like they’re really getting it. But you want to check for phonics, because when they get to multisyllabic words and they’re having to read pollution and deforestation, you want them to have that strong foundation and to break words apart into syllables and sound out each syllable. So if you make sure they get that strong phonics foundation when they’re young, it will carry through to those really advanced levels of reading.
Maya Smart: And then separately from the content of the books themselves, I'm interested in hearing you describe just the creative process of seeing a need in the world for a school or a series of books or whatever the case may be, and going from idea to actually manifesting the thing.
Sara Cotner: It is my favorite part, because, to me, it’s such a metaphor for what we do in Montessori. What we are trying to do in Montessori is help children identify what is their unique light to shine in the world, and where does their unique light match up with the world’s greatest needs? And then how do they go make something happen? And that’s what our teachers did. Our teachers said, we really need more decodable readers in our classrooms. We have this idea. And I partnered with them to help them edit them and think about the artistic vision. We had to hire a professional illustrator because we did not—one of our relatives was willing to do it. And we said, no, no, we want this to be professionally illustrated, to give the youngest children the most beautiful things possible. So we hired a local illustrator and then we worked together to come up with the text, make it really controlled.
We literally went through word by word to be really intentional about every single word that’s in the book. And then we found, partnered with a printer, and then we had the books printed, and now we have thousands and thousands of copies for sale that we are storing and shipping out. And every step of the way, it’s been such a learning journey. There’s so much we didn’t know about publishing books. And so it’s been really fun to use our literacy skills to access information and access resources and know that that’s why we do this for kids. Because when you have literacy strength and skills, you can do anything. If you can read and write, you can do anything in the world. And that’s what we want to make true for our children.
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In her debut book, This Boy We Made, A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics and Facing the Unknown, Taylor Harris gives voice to the steep learning curve and related anxiety that come with the high-stakes work of parenting. When her young son begins suffering from listlessness, processing delays, and other troubling symptoms, Harris seeks answers however she can. In the process, she builds new parenting skills as she navigates her own emotional terrain, the education system, and the medical establishment.
Many parents will relate to that near-constant sense of grappling with the unknown that comes with raising a baby and toddler through those early years. Why is the baby crying this time? Is this normal? Should we call the doctor? Little by little, parents learn to make the best decisions we can by weighing the information and instincts we have at our disposal. We see what happens with the choices we’ve made. Then we keep choosing, sometimes getting it right, sometimes making mistakes, and learning and growing along the way.
Watch our conversation below (or scroll down for the transcript) to learn about Harris’s journey as an advocate for her son, and as a chronicler of the experience, as well.
Maya Smart: Well thank you so much for joining me today. I wanted to chat with you about your book, This Boy We Made. What a gorgeous cover is this? Tell me a little bit about the cover art and what you think that it says about the content.
Taylor Harris: The cover is one of my favorite things and I feel like I get to brag on it without sounding some kind of way because I didn’t have a lot to do with it. So Nicole is the artist of the cover and I had sent her, you can see there’s the silhouette of my son.
And so I sent her a picture of him. He used to love, even when he was two and three, he would jump off these picnic tables and I’d always be like, can can a kid break their shin? I don’t know if this is okay, but he loved it so much that I let him do it. So I sent her a picture of him doing that. But she came up with a lot of it as far as that sort of the colors they almost have this tunnel effect, which I love and I love that he sparkles and that was one of the things, I showed him an ARC early on and he was like, “Ooh, I’m sparkly.”
Maya Smart: Wonderful. I didn't realize that that was an actual silhouette of your son. I assumed it was just an imaginary boy kind of leaping out into the world. So it does definitely have special significance that it's your actual son. So in the book you call him Tophs, am I pronouncing it correctly?
Taylor Harris: Yes, you got it right, and he would be so happy. He’s so kind, but he gets toast like french toast or some people, they listen for it and they’re like, “Oh toes, why is your nickname toes?” But yes, Tophs it is.
Maya Smart: Fantastic. And so tell us a bit about him. He's obviously a central, I don't want to say character, but a central—since he's a real boy—but a central figure in the book. If you were introducing him to someone who's thinking about picking up the book, what would you say about him?
Taylor Harris: Again, something I can say because I didn’t make it up. A former teacher of his, we were texting one day recently and she was like, you know what, Tophs is the best of all of us. And I thought that that was just really sweet and also just hits on this—like when he said “I’m sparkly,” there’s something about him that, even if I wasn’t sure I could always get through to him or understand him, because his speech was delayed early on, but what you get is this sort of vibrancy from him.
And he really takes it on and handles it and wants to know, “What condition do I have?” Because we do have some smaller diagnoses for him, just not a global one, and he wants to know, “How do I spell it? Can I research it on my Chromebook?” And so that’s been really neat to see as he gets older we can have those conversations.
Maya Smart: For folks who haven't read the book yet, can you explain sort of how he figures? You mentioned some of the small diagnoses but I would say the book, much of it is a journey trying to understand him better and understand these symptoms that he's experiencing over time, starting when he was about 22 months.
Taylor Harris: You know, you can go back to his birth and everything was sort of okay. But at 22 months I feel like his body was just, made us notice.
Maya Smart: At what point did you start writing about it? Of course at the beginning you didn't think of it as a book. Was it journaling? Was it just taking notes about observations? So how did the writing part begin?
Taylor Harris: The funny thing is almost before the 22 months sort of crash, I had a column for McSweeney’s called Big Mom on campus that was mostly humorous. There were some more serious columns that I wrote, but most of it was just sort of making fun and light of motherhood and these ridiculous challenges we face, like when our baby has a blowout in the car and things like that.
I had some experience writing about motherhood, but again a lot of funny things or I’d write a little bit about anxiety and motherhood and how I think I saw some of my anxiety in my firstborn daughter. But then with Tophs and sort of the seriousness of the story, it did sort of start with some journaling and then I just had help from other writers and editors and other mom friends who were like, “Hey, we don’t want to pressure you, but would you be open to writing about some of your experiences?”
Maya Smart: That's beautiful. As you're experiencing it, once you get into the point where it's a book, you're actively working on a book, you're revisiting reports from doctor's appointments or journal entries or your own memories, how do you then determine, since it's a real story unfolding in your own life, how do you know when it's the end?
Taylor Harris: That is the question. Something that came up quite a bit during the process was like how does this story end? And something I kind of joke about now, the book went out to some people who work in other forms of media, like if they wanted to make it into a movie or a series or something.
And one of the notes back was, the story is so beautiful, let us know if you get a diagnosis. And I was like, well I sort of feel good about that because it’s not a comment on my writing, I actually can’t just give you a diagnosis. But also was sort of like, yes, I would like to be the first to know if there’s a diagnosis.
Maya Smart You're like, no one wants a diagnosis more than me.
Taylor Harris: But the reader, I always say the reader, if the reader’s going to invest, they deserve some movement, some shift, some change, some coming back to, and so I think of This Boy We Made, yes, there is shift, there’s movement, there’s narrative tension, but also it’s kind of circling around these similar questions and I think it’s inviting the reader to consider them with me.
And so do I end up with more knowledge at the end of the book? For sure. Different perspective? For sure. But there are some things that hold true I think throughout the book about a mother and her son. And I think for me that was important to come back to, like, you know what, even when you don’t have all the answers there are, there are these truths and they’ve been true forever. And I was okay with that sort of being part of the ending of the book.
Maya Smart: In the book you write about entering a lot of different medical settings and there's a certain vulnerability when you're arriving with your son and you know there's an issue, the issue doesn't have a name, but you write movingly about how you feel about being perceived or judged by people in different settings. Can you talk about that a bit? Just as a black mom entering spaces where your child is being assessed?
Taylor Harris: We all know certain things, right? Or I shouldn’t say we all, but I think there are things we should all know, like the mortality rate of black women giving birth or the review that came out of med schools where people legitimately still believe black people feel less pain and things like that. And so when I walked into these offices, especially if it was a doctor who was filling in, he has some great regular doctors who I’m not talking about here.
One of the scenes is the doctor filling in saying sort of, “Wait, you know, gave your daughter Tylenol when, how bad was her fever?” And I say something, I don’t know, 101, 102, something not terrible, but I’m a pretty new mom and he is like, “We don’t give Tylenol for fevers like that. And where did you say you live again?” And this is Charlottesville. So I’m like, why does that matter?
And sometimes it can be because I’m like, am I treated a way because I’m a stay-at-home mom? Am I treated a certain way because I’m a woman, a black woman? Because I look young? And it’s hard to know. And so it’s, it’s almost that burden of proof I think that we carry. For me a lot of what I wanted, I think the reader to feel was that burden, that questioning. Yes, some of it is my own sort of the way anxiety works in my body and my mind and I can spiral and think about a question and ruminate.
The other part is the sort of outside forces acting on you and knowing the history even of Charlottesville and how black people tend to be treated in hospitals and that includes in Charlottesville for sure. So there were rarely easy answers to that, a hundred percent I knew certainly I was being treated differently because of race, but you still can’t ignore it, even if I’m not a hundred percent sure.
Maya Smart: I wanted to end where we started by talking about this leaping, sparkling boy on the cover of your book. What have you told him about book and about the stories within it, and what does he feel about it?
Taylor Harris: The question is what has he told other people? I took him to CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) recently because now we’re in Pennsylvania, so Philly is a little bit closer and we’d been there years ago. So we just kind of went to kind of get reevaluated, see if there’s anything new out there.
And we met this great black woman who was a geneticist and she was talking to us. She focuses on issues of metabolism and she is just trying to get to the bottom. We’re explaining—how old is he now? Nine. So we’re explaining at least seven years, probably, of test results and things to her.
And she’s asking these serious, pointed questions and he interrupts her and he is like, “So have you heard of This Boy We Made? It comes out”—at that point, my publication date was January 4th, so he said, “It comes out January 4th, you can order it.” She was so kind, again, this is why having a black doctor can make a difference. She almost feels a little bit like family and she just really boosts him and she’s like, that is great. And then she goes back to asking me questions and he interrupts her again, and he’s referring to me and he’s like, “You know you’re talking to someone famous, right?”
But he’s just so proud and he is so about—you know, I do a lot of worrying. Tophs worries some, not so much about himself I think, but he’s just got this like sixth sense about life. He’s got this other core or layer to him. And I think in the book I mentioned, that’s why I think some people would ask me, is he some locust-eating prophet? He’s this really interesting guy.
He is really bubbly, he really knows what he wants in life. And right now that is a Lego skate park set and when he wants something, he tells you over and over again. And that’s also sort of how you get to know Tophs, is like, what is toasts obsessing about right now? That’s one of the ways in.
Maya Smart: You've written a beautiful tribute to him and to your relationship and just to the journey of navigating motherhood and all that goes into that with more than one child, actually. But since it's called This Boy We Made, we focused on him today. But a beautiful book and I know many people will benefit from just your candor and vulnerability and willingness to share all these different dimensions of your experience as a mom and as a writer and just as a human navigating life. So thank you.
Taylor Harris: Thanks so much and thanks for reading it.
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Ashley Valentine of Rooted MKE, a BIPOC children’s bookstore in Milwaukee, brings experience as a former teacher, tutoring company founder, and mom of two young children to her family literacy work. So I couldn’t wait to ask for her best early literacy tips for parents.
In our far-ranging chat, her depth of expertise shines through in her discussion of topics including:
- The best books to read with kids at each age and stage
- What to keep in mind when selecting books for kids to read for themselves
- Ways to tell if a book is too challenging for a reader to tackle independently
- How parents can know if their child needs additional reading support
- How to find community-based assessment and tutoring services if your child struggles with reading
Watch the video (or scroll down to read the transcript) to get her advice.
Maya Smart: Hello, I'm so excited to be here today chatting with Ashley Valentine, owner of Rooted MKE, a really lovely children's bookstore in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Ashley, thanks for joining me today.
Ashley Valentine: Thank you for having me.
Maya Smart: Obviously, the books in your store range in age from books that are appropriate for babies all the way to books that would be a great fit for teens and even adults. Can you describe in general the kinds of books that you think parents should think about providing at different ages and stages?
Ashley Valentine: For small, little ones, so like baby to maybe two-year-olds, board books are always awesome, because it gives kids the opportunity to manipulate the book and use a book as a baby is going to use a book, so you don’t have to be careful about the pages. They can’t eat the book, it’s not consumable, but they can nibble on it a little bit. It’s not going to be destroyed. The words are usually bigger. A lot of sensory goes into the board books depending on the title that you choose. So it gives your child the opportunity to feel texture, to hear different sounds in the book.
And for, I would say, three to—three to five, board books are appropriate for, as well, because three-year-olds are not necessarily learning to read, they’re learning to associate letters with sounds. So just understanding that letters make sounds that eventually form words.
And although three-year-olds and younger kids who are getting ready for preschool are not actually physically reading books, they are showing reading readiness skills. So if you’ve been reading a book for four nights at bedtime and then you notice that your toddler is starting to repeat the words in the sequence that they go, and they can point to the words and say what that word is, are they reading because they’ve looked at the letters and identified that this makes this sound and I’m putting the sounds together? No, but they are memorizing the words in the book and that’s an early reading-readiness skill.
I would say second to fourth grade are when those hardcover picture books or soft-cover picture books are a perfect fit. It gives the kid the opportunity to read and practice their reading while using some of the rich illustrations to help support them as they’re sounding out words and trying to figure out what words mean. So being able to use pictures to support with figuring out what words are, and then the pictures also help to tell the story. So although they’re not necessarily working on comprehension, they’re internalizing what the author’s message is through the illustration.
Middle-grade chapter books are always awesome because it gives a younger student, so maybe a first through—no, a second through a fourth-grade student, the ability to begin to read a chapter book even if they’re not a really strong reader. It looks like a chapter book. It’s consumed like a chapter book, so it’s getting them used to the idea of reading a book that’s more text-heavy than picture-heavy.
Everybody loves graphic novels. At least students love graphic novels, and I think that’s an awesome segue from looking at a picture book into starting to read books that are more heavy in text. Although graphic novels don’t have as much text as a chapter book, it’s a lot of pages, so a lot of information to consume and it gets an early chapter book reader accustomed to looking at the information on the pages and internalizing it to receive the message because there’s not so much wording. So they have to start to make inferences around what’s happening and what they think is going to happen next and making predictions because it’s providing you with pictures, but the pictures don’t give you every single detail. You’ve got to use some of your own background knowledge to put the story together.
I think at that point you get into the chapter books and you get into young adult titles and young adult titles are perfect for reluctant teenagers or even adults. I love reading a young adult title because I feel like the commitment to reading the book is not as intense. I don’t have to choose this massive book that I may or may not finish. A young adult title is typically easy to read, a leisurely read, and it still tells a beautiful story and it’s very accessible.
Maya Smart: And so when parents walk into your store and they're looking to find a book for a gift for, maybe not even a special occasion, but they're looking for something for their child, what are some of the things they should think about when making that selection, beyond the child's age?
Ashley Valentine: What is your kid into? Parents often come in and they’re like, “My kid doesn’t like to read. Which book is going to be a good fit?” Well, if they don’t like to read and you pop up at the house with a book, then you haven’t taken in consideration what they enjoy or where are they in life. What journey are they on right now? Are they embracing their natural hair? Are they joining a new club? Are they really heavy into sneakers? Are they building friend groups and dealing with some tension amongst their friend groups? Places where kids can make a connection to the book is where they’re excited about reading the book and they’re going to read it beyond the time that you allocate if you have reading time in your home. So connecting a book with something that your kid enjoys or a theme or idea that your child is into is helpful in supporting the kid in making their own personal connection with the book.
And then I would also consider, not necessarily what grade they’re in, but when they’re reading in their leisure time, what do those books look like? So how much text is on a page, and you can just pull a book that you think your kid is interested in and having the kid with you and doing a five-finger check. So reading a book and you’re counting the errors. So if there are words on the page that you don’t know and you get to five at the end of the page, then that book is probably too difficult. The goal is to be reading books, if it’s a leisurely read, with one to three errors per page, because it’s a strong likelihood that you’re understanding what you’re reading if you’re getting most of the words correct. So opening up a book, reading one page, and if by the end of the page you’ve got five fingers up, then that book may be too difficult. And you don’t want to go by grade level, because not everyone is performing to the same standards.
So grade level is not an indication all the time of if a book is appropriate. That’s why I like having kids come in and do a five finger check if they don’t feel like they’re a confident reader, they can do that on their own, sitting in the store or sitting in the window, read a book to yourself, and then they’re monitoring and tracking their own fingers to be able to tell, is this book too hard for me? And if it is, then we can steer them in the direction of a book that may be easier for them to read and that’ll encourage them to want to read if it’s something that they know that they can do independently.
Maya Smart: So if it's a younger child, they might be reading aloud and the parent could track the errors, or if it's an order child that's reading silently, they kind of have to have the awareness of, oh, I hit a snag there and raise a finger.
Ashley Valentine: I would say parents are just as capable of supporting kids in reading as anyone else. It doesn’t necessarily look the same as what a classroom teacher is doing in a formal classroom setting, but anytime that you’re spending with literacy and around reading with your kid is supporting them in reading. So the level of support that a parent has to offer a kid is just as high and oftentimes more impactful than a stranger, because the kid is at home and spending time with you every day.
So any encouragement that you’re able to offer, any opportunity you have to celebrate your kid around reading, I think is really beneficial. And it definitely helps kids feel like, I can do this. You would be surprised how many kids go through a whole tutoring session and they’re so excited about all of the victories that have happened during the session and they’re like, “Can I go outside and get my mom and then we can reread this page so my mom can see?” Because kids are excited for their parents to see like, Hey, I can do this. And they want their parent to be involved in the victories around literacy, because they may not experience that at school. So home provides another safe space just to celebrate the things that a kid can do, even if they’re not performing where you think they should be.
Maya Smart: Celebrate what they can do. That is a wonderful reminder for every parent. You were a fourth-grade reading teacher. Parents are often told that K through third grade is learning to read, and then fourth grade and beyond is reading to learn. Can you explain to parents what should be happening in those earlier grades so that a child might be ready to read to learn, and if you even agree with that notion of third grade being critical?
Ashley Valentine: I think in practice that is what I’ve experienced as an educator. So first through third is where kids are learning their letter sounds and blending and how to piece together the different parts of a word in order to spell words and understand what those words mean and just be able to say the words. So definitely the learning how to make sense of the letters, because the letters then turn into individual sounds that turn into blended sounds that turn into words.
Once you get to fourth grade, a lot of that foundational early-reading skill development doesn’t happen anymore, and it is true that you’re looking at stories and you’re reading stories with the expectation that the students have all of their foundational literacy skills. And now we’re having conversations about what we’re reading and how can we connect to the things we’re reading, and we’re answering literal questions about the things that the author says in the books and inferential questions. So that’s when you’re bringing in your own knowledge and understanding and background knowledge about the world and what’s happening around you to be able to infer what the author is talking about when it’s not literally spelled out in front of you on the page.
And many, many of my students struggled in the fourth grade because when you’re still learning how to read and unfamiliar with letter sounds when they’re no longer in isolation, but you’re putting the letter sounds togethers and all of these different phonemic awareness skills where you go from being able to hear sounds to manipulating sounds, if students don’t have stronger foundations in those areas, you start to really see that in the fourth grade when we’re no longer working on those things in literacy stations. So typically in the classroom you’re working on those things in smaller groups, either with an educator or developing the skill with an educator and going off into a small-group setting and practicing those skills with your peers.
So if you haven’t participated or if you haven’t grasped those tasks, then when we’re moving to starting to have deeper conversations, you’re lost and you’re not able to engage in the conversation if you have not had this story read to you. So I think it gets really complicated once you get in the fourth grade if you are lacking a lot of those early-literacy skills because it’s really showing and there’s nowhere to hide it anymore because of the reading that’s happening is the kids reading. And it’s a lot less of the read-alouds and more of the kids reading with their peers and doing kind of whole-group reading situations. And it’s harder to hide that you don’t have the skill when you must have the skill to be able—it’s like the barrier to entry. If you’re not reading well, then you’re definitely not able to answer the questions or articulate your understanding well.
Maya Smart: And so as a teacher, you experienced having kids in your class who weren't there and, to use your phrasing, it was showing, and so you took your free time to try to help them build those foundational skills so they could take better advantage of all that was happening in the classroom.
Ashley Valentine: Yes, because there’s then no more time to teach those skills, because so much of the time is centered around, okay, we need to make sure that they’re understanding what they’re reading and able to answer the comprehension questions. So the time that you would be spending teaching those skills is no longer embedded in a reading class. Instead it’s time that’s devoted to intervention or you’ve got to find the time in some other block of time if that exists throughout the school day.
Maya Smart: And then at some point in the higher grades, there isn't even a reading class or just the subject matter classes and probably fewer people in the building, once you get into middle school and high school, that as teachers have the experience of knowing how to teach the foundational things, so that just gets harder and harder. Can you talk about how your bookstore on one hand provides wonderful children's literature for kids to enjoy on their own or with their family and then also the tutoring side of the business?
Ashley Valentine: Yes. In the development of the plan, I knew that I had to offer some sort of way for all students to have access to the books that are in the store. And I wanted families to know that reading a book or getting your kid a book shouldn’t always just be a one-time experience. It’s okay to revisit books lots of times and have conversations around a book several times, and that those conversations don’t always have to be the same. When you read a book the first time and you read a book a second time, you could take away two completely different messages or two different themes and ideas, so that the idea of revisiting a book is just as important as getting a book and reading it together for the first time.
So I took all of my knowledge as a classroom teacher knowing that all kids don’t come in with all of the foundational skills needed to be strong readers, and I knew that I needed to support that through the tutoring. So we do offer a lot of one-on-one and very small groups. So up to three-student focused literacy support, where kids are coming in for 55-minute sessions and we are working on the skills that we see they need support in once we do a consultation.
Maya Smart: Do you find that schools have the capabilities to provide that one-on-one and small-group, or it's limited?
Ashley Valentine: I think that’s a difficult question. In some spaces where schools have more funding and more staff, there doesn’t seem to be an issue with being able to provide small-group or individualized support where students have skill deficits, and then in other schools where the funding may not be as robust and they’re having staffing shortages, the idea of reallocating staff to support one student when there are 20 students in a classroom seems unbearable, but I feel like at the same time, where there is a priority, then things somehow happen in a school. So where a school decides what’s going to be critical for the year, what they’re going to prioritize, resources are allocated to uplift whatever that vision is for a school.
So if we were able to think more creatively about how students are getting support (and that doesn’t mean just putting them in front of a warm body with a packet that says “reading” and that individual not having any understanding of how to deliver high quality reading instruction to a kid), any ability that we have to get kids in front of adults who are trained and prepared to deliver the instruction is going to prove to be valuable, because we’re seeing in test scores nationwide that students are struggling, black and brown students especially, with literacy.
So we have to do something different than what we’re doing if we want to see true gains for those students, because whatever we’re doing, it’s not working, if we’re looking at data.
Maya Smart: What advice would you give to parents who are unsure of if their child is where they need to be in any given grade level? How, as a parent, do you find out if your child is on track, and where should you seek additional support if you think they're behind?
Ashley Valentine: When we’re looking at if students are performing where they need to be, students take standardized tests at school on a fairly frequent basis. Although that’s not the end-all, be-all, because it doesn’t always capture the best of a student, depending on lots of different variables that we are not able to control, that’s a starting point. If we’re seeing things that are in the red, if we’re seeing where national averages and norms are and your student is very far away from what those norms are when you’re looking at different charts, then I think that’s an indication that your student may need some additional support.
I think when you’re spending time with your kids at home and you’re reading—reading together is not just an activity that’s for little kids, all families and all kids in the family and parents as well benefit from spending time together, immersed in literacy.
That could look like reading a recipe together. That could look like going to the grocery store and reading a list together, and sending kids to go get something off of the list and seeing what they bring back. Some of it is visual and kids being able to recognize the things that you use in your household, but some of it is also forcing them to read and pay attention to the sugar-free gelatin as compared to the jello that has sugar.
So even small differences where kids are needing to read or process the information through reading, you can see how is my kid doing with receiving this sort of information? And then how are they able to articulate their understanding? How are they comprehending what they’re reading to be able to share that with me? And that could be just asking a kid, “What did you do today?”
So even analyzing how they process things. If you notice that your kid consistently is unable to share, even a small detail, or the details are out of order, then that could be something that you want to explore further, and then start to do activities at home where you’re playing word game or games that have them to read something and then say something. So what I encourage parents to do is just spend time with literacy. And it doesn’t have to be an additional thing that you add to your day. It could be just adding a five-minute activity to the things that you’re already doing, that encourages your kid to look at something and read it and share what they understood based on what they read. And that’s something that families can do together.
If parents are seeing that there are lots of skill deficits and they’re concerned about where their student is performing, I think seeing a professional is a first step. And at the same time, I don’t know that a lot of parents have positive experience with educational systems, so I understand how that could be intimidating and give you anxiety and make you feel like if public school or the educational system didn’t work well for you, how can you expect something different for your kid?
So seeing a professional doesn’t mean necessarily going to a school, but working with a local nonprofit that’s literacy-based or going to a literacy support center out in your community is definitely a tool that can help you gauge where your kid is and then give you a better understanding of what supports they can offer or a team can offer to help meet some of the goals that you have for your family as well.
Maya Smart: Thank you so much.
Ashley Valentine: Thank you.
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Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is home to some of the nation’s most striking reading disparities between children of color and white children. The 2022 National Assessment of Educational Progress found that black students in the city had an average score that was 50 points lower than that of white students. Hispanic students had an average score that was 35 points lower. The opportunity gap among the groups is so extreme that it will take effort from every corner of the city to give families the necessary support, knowledge, access to books, and high-quality reading instruction and intervention to turn things around.
One of my favorite efforts to address the challenge is Rooted MKE, a BIPOC children’s bookstore owned and operated by Ashley Valentine, a former teacher. Bringing thoughtfully curated children’s literature to the community is a beautiful mission in and of itself, but Rooted MKE is also so much more than a bookstore. It’s part makerspace and academic support center, too—Ashley calls it a “literacy hub for families.” Milwaukee needs this kind of community literacy initiative times one thousand to thrive.
A former teacher, Ashley shared the inspiration behind her impressive venture, plus:
- Why reading education shouldn’t happen only at school, and how Rooted MKE is taking it to the community.
- How many times you (and your kids) should read a book, and why.
- What it is about owning books—in addition to borrowing them—that matters, especially for underserved kids.
- The surprising ways that picture books can spark valuable and sometimes uncomfortable conversations and reflection among grownups, too.
Watch our conversation below (or scroll down for the transcript) and then let me know your thoughts!
Maya Smart: Hello, I'm so happy to be joined today by Ashley Valentine, the owner of Rooted MKE, a really phenomenal space in Milwaukee, Wisconsin that combines tutoring and programs with book-selling for children. Ashley, welcome.
Ashley Valentine: Hi. Thank you for having me.
Maya Smart: Now, I described Rooted MKE as a combination of bookstore and tutoring and also programs for the community, but how would you describe it? In a nutshell?
Ashley Valentine: I would describe Rooted MKE as a BIPOC-centered literacy hub for families.
Maya Smart: Literacy hub for families. Sounds like my kind of place. Tell us a bit about how you came to create a physical location in Milwaukee.
Ashley Valentine: I think creating the space came out of me nurturing myself and having a desire to do something for my community that offered an alternative option to literacy support and literacy education.
Maya Smart: Why is it important for families to have a literacy hub?
Ashley Valentine: I think it’s important because the idea that kids learn at school is—it misses so many of the other opportunities that kids could have for learning in the community and learning amongst people who are not teachers, but learning amongst family members and friends. If you isolate reading to one setting, then kids start to envision being readers only in that specific space or when it’s set up in similar ways to that. So I think it’s important to highlight that reading is something that happens outside of the classroom. It can happen with your parents, it can happen with strangers, and reading can be an opportunity to have a collective experience with people who you may not see in other opportunities or in other avenues and still be important and still take away lessons that don’t require you to take a test afterwards to prove what you learned, but things that you could apply in your everyday experience.
Maya Smart: I love that idea of giving kids other opportunities to think about reading and literacy outside of school and, because for in all of our lives, reading is kind of interwoven into everything that we do as—most everything we do as adults. And you're right, after a certain point, most of your reading will take place out of school, so you might as well get familiar with it and the joy of it and love of it and other contexts as well. Can you tell us a bit just about your journey to bookstore ownership? I know that in a previous life you were a teacher in a traditional school setting. How did you end up where you are now?
Ashley Valentine: Yes. So I started out in elementary school teaching fourth-grade reading as my first year. And from there I went into teaching middle school and focusing more on students who have special needs. So teaching in a cross-categorical setting where the kids come in for support towards their IEP goals. But most of the support is in an inclusive classroom setting. I absolutely loved teaching and working with youth in that special-education setting where it’s a lot more focused on the kids who need a higher level of support. Although I appreciated the work, I always felt like there was so much more that I wasn’t even uncovering in the time that I spent with students. And I could be advancing on so many more goals or serving the needs of so many more students who had not technically been recognized as students with special needs, but would always ask me could they join in on sessions or reach out to me at other times during the day to get additional support.
And it was in those moments and through analyzing data and test scores and making decisions about who gets intervention and support, that it felt like almost all the kids needed a higher level of support than what was being offered to them throughout the regular school day. So I spent a lot of time supplementing that support in an afterschool space in what would’ve been my free time inviting kids to sign up for afterschool tutoring. And that was a labor of love for me and a service that I was offering to students completely free of charge. So having kids sign up at least two times a week to get really small groups, so probably three kid or less, or one-on-one academic support in the area of reading, because my specialty and my teaching certification is in reading. And then of course, once you start doing something in the outside of school space, that starts to take on more of your time.
And the idea that I was spending time with my partner or going to parties, or doing whatever it was I wanted to do in the afterschool space wasn’t happening because I had dedicated all of myself to trying to make more significant gains in the classroom and try to help students to feel more comfortable and confident in their skills and abilities in ways that I knew they were not getting if I wasn’t offering the support. And I started to feel depressed and overwhelmed and anxious and just heavy thinking about the daunting task of trying to reach fourth- or fifth-grade students who are reading at a second-grade level and only getting these very finite moments with me in an afterschool space, knowing that there had to be more that could be offered to them that wasn’t so much of me giving my individual self.
They needed a structure or some sort of greater level of support that was beyond what I could offer as an individual. And it was in those moments that Rooted MKE was kind of manifested as a dream. If all the stars aligned and I could be doing something different, what would I be doing? And owning the bookstore is what kind of grounded me and gave me peace in moments where I didn’t have clarity about what my future would look like as an educator. So it was a lot of me planning the bookstore in my spare time or on vacations, planning what does an ideal work situation for me look like in a journal. And that’s how Rooted MKE was really born and nurtured through being kind of a space of uplifting and growing for myself when I didn’t have that in the external spaces that I was working in.
And then as I started to have children, the idea of spending more of my time doing things that truly bought me joy and were of great impact in my community got even louder in my head and bigger in my soul. So I decided after having my daughter that I was going to go all in and try to make these several journals at this point of ideas and plans, a real viable business. And I knew that the need was there because I still had continued tutoring and keeping up with families over the years. And Rooted MKE opened in March of this year.
Maya Smart: Wow. Congratulations on bringing the journals to life, can you talk about how your bookstore on one hand provides wonderful children's literature for kids to enjoy on their own or with their family and then also the tutoring side of the business?
Ashley Valentine: So I think in the development of the plan, I knew that I had to offer some sort of way for all students to have access to the books that are in the store. And I wanted families to know that reading a book or getting your kid a book shouldn’t always just be a one-time experience. It’s okay to revisit books lots of times and have conversations around a book several times, and that those conversations don’t always have to be the same. When you read a book the first time and you read a book the second time, you could take away two completely different messages or two different themes and ideas so that the idea of revisiting a book is just as important as getting a book and reading it together for the first time. So I took all of my knowledge as a classroom teacher knowing that all kids don’t come in with all of the foundational skills needed to be strong readers, and I knew that I needed to support that through the tutoring.
Ashley Valentine: So we do offer a lot of one-on-one and very small groups. So up to three student focused literacy support where kids are coming in for 55-minute sessions and we are working on the skills that we see they need support in once we do a consultation. So in the consultation session, we’re looking at phonemic awareness, phonological awareness, we’re looking at what letter sounds do they know, what letter sounds do they need support with, what blends or what pieces of the words give them a hard time? And then creating a roadmap for the semester. And we use the roadmap that we’ve developed in the consultation to support the students in meeting those goals and applying them to reading books and answering questions so that when they leave the tutoring session, they’re able to leave with skills that they can use immediately to help them either at home or in the classroom and give them a little bit more confidence about how they feel as a reader on their journey of becoming a better reader.
Maya Smart: When you were setting out on this journey for yourself, did you ever consider becoming a librarian or was there something about book ownership and curating your own space that appealed to you?
Ashley Valentine: I never thought about being a librarian really, because I knew that meant I was going to have to go back to school again. [Laughs] I was not interested in any more student loans, but I am also a really strong believer that black and brown kids need to own books. You get opportunities to borrow books at school and from the library, and the level of excitement you have when something actually belongs to you as compared to it belonging to someone else, I thought was really, really important. When I think about the experience of black and brown kids in Milwaukee, we know that not many black and brown people own homes. So just owning something as a kid and growing up knowing that something can belong to just you and it was brand new and it didn’t belong to someone before you, and this was intended for you to have in a brand-new state and you invested a little piece of yourself to have it was important to me.
Maya Smart: Oh, I love that idea of ownership and having something that's yours that you've chosen and treasure. Can you talk about how that idea of those books going home to be owned by children of color, how that affect how you curate the books that are available in your store?
Ashley Valentine: I’m very, very intentional and probably too meticulous about curating collections in the store, because I know whatever I choose and whatever’s in the store is going to be showcased for at least two or three months. So it’s like every book needs to be important and every book needs to be able to resonate with a black or brown kid. I think is a place where I can get too caught in the weeds because I want to make sure that I’m really thoughtful and intentional and that the wrong book doesn’t make it on the shelf for two months.
So it is a lot of me researching and reading what’s coming out, what bodies of work are upcoming, what are classic titles that kids may not have been introduced to, what are some titles that are not brand new but still highlight black and brown characters and spotlight black and brown protagonists. And then what stories are amplifying voices that we don’t hear too often. So kind of putting together this soup of different types of books with different themes and different ideas, hoping that when kids come in, something resonates with them and gets them excited about the books that we have in the store.
Maya Smart: Do you think that most of the people who visit the store recognize the length you've gone through to curate the selection? Is that part of what attracts people to your store in particular, or what do you think brings people in through the door?
Ashley Valentine: I think the idea that all of the books highlight or spotlight a black or brown character brings people into the store. And when, if people don’t know that, they come into the store and it’s very evident. Picture books are beautiful and you’re looking at the illustrations and all of the covers have a brown character on them. So I think people, if you don’t know the store that you’re coming into when you get there, you catch that in the first two or three minutes. So that was definitely my intention. Even if I don’t say anything to someone except hello and welcome to the store and what brings you in today, they can sense what we’re trying to do and what the mission of the store is really quickly through the curation of the titles. And it’s, I think, important that people know that that’s what to expect when you come into the store.
Weirdly, we have had people come into the store and they’ll get a book and then they’ll get home and bring it back, and say, Hey, I was offended, or This book doesn’t make me feel good about who I am or what I want to teach my kids, and I want to bring the book back and I’m going to write the author and let them know that they hurt my feelings. So in those couple of situations, it’s given me the opportunity to educate the person getting the book like, Hey, although this is a perspective that you may not have seen or you may not have thought of independently, this is who the author is—doing the research. Hey, this author is actually an activist and she’s a professor, and this body of work has been well researched and well studied, even though it’s a kids’ book. And although you want to write a letter to let the author know how you feel, in doing that, how are you supporting the work of amplifying black and brown voices? And then people kind of thinking to themselves, you’re right, maybe I’m not going to write a letter to the author, but can i bring this book back and exchange it for something else. Sure.
Maya Smart: When you've had those conversations with people, and it sounds like it's happened more than once, do they typically still want to exchange the book, they're kind of committed in that, or are they swayed by your explanation of why you stock it and what they might gain from it?
Ashley Valentine: Yeah, that’s happened about five times, five or six times.
Maya Smart: In a year, in a year's time?
Ashley Valentine: Yeah. Some of the time someone’s like, Hey, I didn’t see it that way, or I didn’t have all this information when I made my decision, because anytime someone does that, the first time I was really offended, I’m just going to let her bring the book back and it’s her loss. And then as I processed it more, it was like, Hey, this is a part of the work, so this is a perfect opportunity to find a research-based article that talks about what the themes are in the book and send that to her and send her an article about who the author is and all the work that she’s doing so that she has all the information to make a well-informed, non-biased, all-factual decision about if she wants this book in her classroom and in her home. And if she doesn’t, offer her the opportunity to get something else.
She still brought the book back, but—it’s hard to tell a tone in an email—but her demeanor when she came in the store was still super light, super excited. She asked way more questions about what she was getting before she bought the book the second time around. But I think she appreciated having the information to make a full-circle decision about if this was a book that was going to be in her classroom or not. And unfortunately, she didn’t choose it. I wish she would’ve, but that choice is not up to me. I can just give you the information and you do with it what you want.
Maya Smart: And as an educator, are you excited about that part of the work? You got into it, thinking about children of color and teaching them to read and curating books that would affirm them and inspire them, etc. But is educating white people about those same things part of the work that you're jazzed about?
Ashley Valentine: I think it is part of the work. Am I excited about it? I’m a little nervous and I’m a little scared, but it’s children’s books, so that gives me a nice resting place. Children’s books are typically non-intimidating, convey messages in a very light, understandable way, and it’s typically centered around love, or they come back to a place of unity. And I think that helps me to be able to share a message in a way that’s not like, Hey, white people get it together tomorrow. And people feel like I can receive this message and share it with my kid. And it’s okay.
Maya Smart: In terms of parents, it sounds like that may have been an educator that came in and returned the book. Yes. With parents. Have you had those sorts of conversations or questions about how best to present the book for the kids?
Ashley Valentine: I have had questions from parents. So a lot, really, a lot of the questions about how to present the book are white parents with mixed-race children. Either they’re adopted or foster children, or they’re their own children concerned about how to share messages of race and skin color, and the idea that we don’t see race and everyone should be treated the same. So trying to reteach that to their kids and looking for support or looking for advice on what books can help with that messaging, or if we offer any programming around reading that type of book and having that conversation.
I appreciate parents coming in and being vulnerable and sharing that and looking for resources and tools and even a safe space to have those types of conversations. And then there are some parents who come in and they ask for the tool and then they take it home and someone else doesn’t appreciate the message and wants to know why they chose that book and why they brought that book home, or why they chose it as a birthday gift.
Was it appropriate to choose this book at this time? So them coming back and then having a follow-up conversation like, Hey, we went with this book, it ruffled a little feathers. Is there another book that we could use to help start to have a conversation with a larger family about what it means to be inclusive or to respect people’s identity or whatever the conversation is? So it kind of just opens the door to more conversations of, okay, we’ve tried to shine a light on this. How do we continue this conversation? Or how do we support a conversation that’s pivoted and gone this way?
Maya Smart: You mentioned that sometimes people are asking for programming to support them in teaching some of these things. Can you describe the programs you do?
Ashley Valentine: Yes. Really, the programming that we offer that supports in that way is our family gathering series. So one Sunday a month families come together and we read a book together, answer some of those literal and inferential questions around the book, and then we open the floor for a conversation about themes or ideas that came up in the book. And we may start with some questions, otherwise people already have questions or they say things that they noticed in the book. So we just hold space for families to engage in those conversations in a safe way.
And then we do a hands-on art activity or a big family game where everyone is playing, whether they’re from your household or not. We’re playing a game all together to kind of bring us back to a high place where everyone’s in a good mood and having a good time. And then we share a dinner catered by a local restaurant or a black or brown owned caterer or entrepreneur. And then in those times, families are following up on conversations or thoughts that came up in conversation. They’re sharing phone numbers, scheduling play dates, scheduling dates to come to the next event. So it’s really a time where people can get to know other people and build community around literacy, and then the families return, invite other families. So every month it gets bigger and bigger.
Maya Smart: And what are some of the other programs? I believe you did a summer book club program for kids as well?
Ashley Valentine: Yes. So this summer we had kids come in for reading support, which was in the form of reading—It was for third- through fifth-graders, that program specifically. So reading a book, doing a lot of annotating, so highlighting what are some main ideas, what are some supporting details, what are some claims? Who are the different characters? What are their attitudes, what are their motivations? So a lot of those comprehension skills that kids kind of struggle with if they’re still learning how to read, and then offering support around that with other students who participated as well. And the facilitators.
Maya Smart: Thanks so much, Ashley.
Ashley Valentine: Thank you.
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The Noble Neighbor is a nonprofit organization associated with St. Louis, MO, bookstore The Novel Neighbor. It exists to bring free books and author visits to systemically underserved schools and students. It’s a great example of a grassroots project that’s making an outsized impact on the community by supporting literacy as a way to promote social justice.
I had a wonderful chat with Noble Neighbor Executive Director Andrea Scarpino, who shared some profoundly inspiring statistics and information:
- In some neighborhoods of the U.S. there’s only 1 book per 833 kids. Can you guess which city that’s in?
- Such “book deserts” have increased during the pandemic.
- The impressive number of books The Noble Neighbor provided to students in just a couple of years.
Give it a watch (or scroll down to read a transcript), and then let me know what you think!
Maya Smart: Hello. I'm so excited to be joined today by Andrea Scarpino, who's the executive director of The Noble Neighbor in St. Louis, Missouri. Welcome, Andrea.
Andrea Scarpino: Thank you. I’m so excited to be talking with you today.
Maya Smart: Can you tell us just a bit about The Noble Neighbor and the services you provide to your community?
Andrea Scarpino: Absolutely. Yeah. So The Noble Neighbor is the sister nonprofit organization of the local independent bookstore named The Novel Neighbor. So what we do at Noble is bring books and author events to underserved kids in our community. So kids have the opportunity to meet an author and then also go home with a copy of the author’s book.
Maya Smart: And so was that something that began with The Novel Neighbor and then took off and realized it was a big enough thing to warrant its own organization?
Andrea Scarpino: Yeah, exactly. So The Novel Neighbor bookstore started doing author visits at schools. So different publicists and publishers would send an author to a school to sell books, basically. And what the bookstore staff realized was that authors were not being sent to lower economic schools where the publisher or the publicist didn’t think that they would actually be able to sell enough books to warrant the trip. So bookstore employees started to see this as a social justice issue, that half of the St. Louis community was not getting access to authors that the other half of the St. Louis community was getting access to.
So they started to kind of simmer on how to make an organization that could help to fight some of that educational inequality. So we started to kind of be formed around late 2019 as a way to combat that social justice issue and be able to bring authors into schools because we guarantee a book buy. So we say, “Hey, we’re going to buy 200 kids a copy of this author’s book.” The publishers are so happy to send us that author. So we’re able to kind of close that gap between lower income and higher income schools.
Maya Smart: What a wonderful mission and a phenomenal service that you're providing to schools. Can you talk a little bit about what you think are the biggest benefits of kids having the opportunity to meet an author in person and take a book home?
Andrea Scarpino: I think many of us know that there’s a correlation between having access to books and increased literacy, but there are also studies that show that when kids have an author visit their school, they are twice as likely to read above their grade level than when they’ve never had the opportunity to meet an author. So for us, we really think of the author visit as our secret sauce. When kids have the opportunity to meet an author, especially an author who looks like them, and then get a chance to take home a copy of their book, they get really excited about reading. They read characters who look like them and who sound like them, and that all increases their interest in reading and their kind of desire to increase their own literacy. What we find is that kids get excited about reading because of the author visit. So then when they take their book home, they’re super excited about starting to read it.
Maya Smart: So there's something about that personal connection and seeing the person who created it, having an opportunity to ask questions and hear a bit about their thought process in creating the book that really resonates with kids and makes them more into it. Do you track data yourself after the visits? And what sorts of things do you use to measure the success of the program?
Andrea Scarpino: Yeah. So we give all of our schools, our partner schools, a evaluation to do at the end of the visit. So we ask every single kid who’s gotten the opportunity to meet the author just different questions. If they had a good time? Also, their likeliness of continuing to read the book after the author has left. We found last year, 99% of the kids said that they were likely to read the book after they had the opportunity to meet the author. And kids on their evaluations write things that help us to know they’re really responding to the authors.
So last year, for example, one of the authors we brought was a poet and middle-grade author named Julian Randall. And Julian Randall’s book, Pilar Ramirez and the Escape from Zafa included a ton of Spanish. So a lot of Spanish words throughout. During his presentation, Julian spoke Spanish to the kids at different points. And a girl in the audience got up and asked him a question in Spanish and then translated in English for the rest of us. And it was a really powerful moment that was clear that she was responding in part to who he is as a person, that he was able to include some of his culture and some of his language in his writing and in his presentation.
And then in the evaluation, so many kids mentioned how powerful it was to hear him speaking Spanish, that they normally don’t have somebody come to their school and speak Spanish with them. So we know from that kind of evaluation that kids really get excited and feel seen when they’re able to meet their author.
Maya Smart: So the visits really present an opportunity for them to see and be seen and to hear and be heard, so powerful. And you mentioned the particular reaction that the student had to the author speaking in Spanish, is that an intentional effort on your part to bring authors who have similar backgrounds to the kids and the schools that you serve?
Andrea Scarpino: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, that’s part of our mission. There was a study done in 2018 that only 10% of children’s book characters were black in that entire year of publishing. Only 10%. 50% were white and then another, I think 27% were animal characters. So this huge percentage of kids in our country are not getting access to books with characters who look like them. So we do tend to try to bring authors who look like the kids in the schools where we’re going. So, for example, we brought Julian Randall to a school that had a high percentage of Latinx students.
We brought the author Kelly Yang last year. She had a book out in part about the pandemic, the early days of COVID. And part of her book discussed being an immigrant. She had moved from Hong Kong back to the U.S. right at the start of the pandemic. And she talked about the racism her family experienced coming back to the U.S. right at the start of this pandemic. And we brought her to a school that had a high percentage of Asian and Asian American students who really connected with her story and had had some of those similar experiences. So part of our goal is to always connect a particular demographic of a school with particular authors so that kids can see who they look like represented.
Maya Smart: And the larger book buys that you mentioned, for example, 200 books of a particular author's work going to a school. Do you think that that gets on publishers’ radars and it sort of helps authors build their audience and boost their sales figure and sort of a ripple effect?
Andrea Scarpino: I hope so, yeah. I mean, last year for our Giving Tuesday campaign, we chose a book that was edited by Kwame Mbalia called Black Boy Joy. And we said, as part of our campaign, “We want to buy 500 copies of this book.” So all Giving Tuesday, when we were asking our supporters for donations, we mentioned Black Boy Joy and 500 copies, and we ended up surpassing our goals. So we were able to actually give, I think almost 700 kids a copy of Black Boy Joy. So my hope is that that did help bring attention to Kwame Mbalia’s beautiful collection. And it did help the publishers know that these are books that people want to read.
Maya Smart: You said that the organization started in 2019. Can you talk about what it was like starting a nonprofit at that point in time?
Andrea Scarpino: Yeah. So I wasn’t the executive director at that point, but I think it was a little touch and go. So we had our very first kind of inaugural events. We had our Kid Lit Trivia fundraiser in February 2020, and then everything shut down. So we really had to pivot quickly to virtual events. And what we found, honestly, is that a lot of authors wanted to continue doing these events, so we’re very willing to continue showing up in a virtual setting. And we’ve done… I mean, last year we had 16 virtual author events. We were able to give kids nearly 3,500 books. So we were still able, even in the virtual space, to get a lot of kids a lot of books. This year, however, we are hoping to mostly move back to in-person events. So a lot more authors are touring again in person this year. Obviously, we’re going to have to be flexible with the changing health situation, but our goal this year is to have more and more authors actually meeting kids in person instead of virtually.
Maya Smart: Do you get the books to the kids prior to the event or after the event?
Andrea Scarpino: We always try to get the books to the kids before the event. If it’s a picture book, it can be really great for a teacher to have, or a librarian to have read the book to the kids before they get a chance to meet the author. And for some of our middle-grade authors as well, schools will have started reading some of the book. So maybe they’ll have read three or four chapters before they have a chance to meet the author, which I think makes the discussion even richer, because kids already have a sense for the characters and maybe some of what’s going to be happening in the book.
Maya Smart: And with the virtual events, by the point you switched to virtual events, were kids pretty familiar with technology? So is it sort of a setting with the Brady Bunch Squares with all the kids visible, and then they're able to ask questions?
Andrea Scarpino: Yeah. It kind of depends how large the event is. So when we’ve had 10 or 15 classrooms at a time, we tend to use a service called StreamYard. So kids are actually watching kind of on YouTube. So what they see is YouTube, basically. And their teachers can write in questions. We found that that works a little bit easier so that classrooms aren’t coming off of mute in the middle of the presentation and things like that.
When we’ve had smaller classrooms, like if there’s only three or four classrooms of kids, then just kind of doing like a Brady Bunch square situation can be totally great and work really well. Our goal is always to have kids have the opportunity to speak directly with the authors. So ask questions directly of the authors and be able to kind of have a little bit of a conversation with them, even if it’s through the internet. So we always try to leave room and space for kids to have that opportunity to speak directly to the author.
Maya Smart: How did you find yourself in this role, in the midst of a pandemic?
Andrea Scarpino: Well, actually my background is in education. So I spent most of my career teaching. I’m a writer myself, so I love books. I love reading. I’ve always been passionate about social justice. I’ve always been passionate about literacy as a social justice tool. And I think the pandemic wore me out. I had been teaching high school and it was really hard and really exhausting. And this opportunity to do something a little bit different opened up, and I thought it was a great opportunity to use some of my literacy skills and the background I have, the love I have for children’s literature, to be able to kind of grow this organization into something even bigger. So it was actually very, very lucky. I feel very fortunate that the stars aligned and I was able to move into this position that fit so many of my interests and passions.
Maya Smart: What are you looking forward to this year now that more of the events will be in-person?
Andrea Scarpino: I mean, the biggest thing is having the authors here physically. I think that’s going to be really exciting. I mean, the authors we worked with in the past two years have been wonderful. They brought their A-game to the virtual world. They put together slide presentations. I mean, they really tried to make the virtual world as interactive as you possibly can. And also, I think it’s not quite the same as having an author standing in front of your classroom and talking to you personally. So I think that’s the biggest thing that I’m excited about is being able to go into schools physically again. I mean, all last year, I basically brought books to schools, left them on the doorstep, and walked away. So being able to actually be in a room with the author and the kids, I think is going to be pretty magical.
Maya Smart: My audience is always looking for great book recommendations, so can you highlight just three or four or five of the books that you have presented to kids that really resonated with kids?
Andrea Scarpino: My favorite book recommendation from last year was definitely Black Boy Joy, edited by Kwame Mbalia. I think it’s 17 different stories all by different Black authors, and they are amazing, delightful. There’s fantasy, there’s realistic fiction, I think there’s poetry as I recall. It’s just a wonderful collection of short stories written by some of our just shining-star authors, children’s authors especially. So I think that’s a delightful, wonderful book.
This year we have coming up in the spring, I just happened to have this at my desk, The Last Mapmaker by Christina Soontornvat. Amazing, wonderful, wonderful middle-grade as well. As far as picture books last year, we had a delightful author named Brittany Thurman who had her debut, I believe, picture book named Fly came out, and we were able to bring her to several classrooms, and everybody loved her work.
Maya Smart: What is Fly about?
Andrea Scarpino: Fly is about a little girl who becomes a Double Dutch champion, who learns to jump rope and becomes a Double Dutch champion. And the pictures are just beautiful, Brittany Thurman talked really beautifully about how she worked with the illustrator to make the book really come alive, and her story come alive through the pictures. So it’s a really lovely, lovely picture book.
Maya Smart: And can you tell us a little more about The Last Mapmaker?
Andrea Scarpino: You know what is so special is we actually at The Noble Neighbor won a grant. The American Booksellers Association did a grant process to give away copies of her book. So we won 500 copies of her book, and she’s coming to St. Louis in May to meet with our schools, so that’s super special. And I feel really, really grateful that we were able to do that. And really, I think what I love the most about this book is the main character. She’s a powerful girl. She goes on kind of powerful adventures, and she has a lot of sass and spark and interest. And for me, that’s what kept me turning the pages. She’s a really great main character.
Maya Smart: You mentioned the grant that you won to get 500 copies of the book. Can you talk a bit about the fundraising piece of this? How does the support of individual people and foundations and other organizations enable you to give kids these wonderful live author experiences and a book to take home?
Andrea Scarpino: Most of our yearly budget comes from donations, individual donations, corporate donations. We apply for grants regularly as well, of course. But I think really what has made our work so powerful is that we have a ton of community support. We say that it costs us about $3,164 to bring an author to 200 kids. So it’s a substantial amount of money. Right?
And we find every time we go out and ask our community for support, that they really show up, which we are so grateful for. We do fundraising events. We do used book sales, where people donate books to us and we sell them so that we can buy the new books to donate to kids. But really so much of our support comes from the community saying we really value what we do, we believe in getting kids books, and showing up and supporting us.
Maya Smart: And within that $3,164, very specific amount, is that the book, is that the author's travel or honorarium?
Andrea Scarpino: It’s mostly the book costs, honestly, and anything supplemental. That’s a little bit of a rounded number. We did all of the math of what we spend on our book donations and tried to come up with as accurate of figure as possible. But that includes anything, getting the author there, getting them the book, any supplemental gifts that we give kids, stickers or bookmarks, or anything like that.
Maya Smart: Is there anything I haven't asked about your programs or community impact that you'd like to share?
Andrea Scarpino: I read a policy report actually just this morning from 2021 that showed that our community book deserts have only increased during the pandemic. So, one aspect of their policy report was that some neighborhoods of Washington, DC, there’s one book for every 833 kids. And to me, that is devastating, that in our nation’s capital, there could only be one book for every 833 kids. I think what I always try to get across is that our organization is interested in literacy and making the world a better place through literacy. We believe that kids can and will learn to read if we give them the resources and access to books and access to characters who really resonate with them and that that is a way to make our community stronger and our world stronger. So it really is an opportunity to make the world a better place.
Maya Smart: And for people who are interested in creating author experiences for kids in their community or neighborhood or school, what advice would you offer to them about setting up something similar to what you've done?
Andrea Scarpino: Yeah. So I think the first thing would be to connect with your local independent bookstore. So The Noble Neighbor comes from The Novel Neighbor bookstore, and I know a lot of independent bookstores are very community focused. A lot of them have their own nonprofits that are literacy based. So reaching out to your local independent bookstore, I think is a really good starting place.
Many children’s authors are also pretty accessible online. You can find them on Twitter, you can find their website with email addresses, and things like that. So I think it’s also a great opportunity to connect with an author directly, just kind of reaching out to them online and seeing if they want to come and do even a virtual visit with your school or your church group or whatever your organization is. I think a lot of children’s authors really are accessible and want to connect with their audience.
Maya Smart: Are there other things they need to do or think about?
Andrea Scarpino: I think asking the community for support is a really good first step as well. Our founder calls The Noble Neighbor a common-sense cause, and that’s true. I think everybody wants to see kids reading. Everybody wants to get books into the hands of kids. So I would say, ask. Ask your community. They can say no if they don’t want to. But the more you ask, the more people you’re going to find who say yes.
Maya Smart: And then after you've had a visit, you mentioned the surveys. Are there other things people should think about in terms of documenting the success of the event? Should they keep track of the numbers of attendees or take photos or what things do you recommend?
Andrea Scarpino: Yes. All of those things. So we always take photos at events. It can be a little bit challenging because you don’t want to get photos of kids without their parental permission. But we love taking photos, we love when we have a great opportunity to have an author in a photo with a bunch of kids. I think keeping track of all of the kids who are there is really important, that’s how we get our numbers. So we know, for example, in the last two and a half years, we’ve donated 6,000 books to kids. We had 35 author events. Keeping really good track of those numbers, I think can be really powerful.
So our goal this year is to donate our 10,000th book to kids and hopefully connect kids with their 50th author. And I think again, having those numbers can be really, really powerful. So keeping good track of the number of books you’re donating, the amount of money you’re raising, the number of authors you’re connecting with is all really good.
Maya Smart: How can people find you online if they're interested in supporting your work or just following it on social media?
Andrea Scarpino: I would love to have people follow us on social media. So our handle is just Noble Neighbor. We’re on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn under Noble Neighbor. Our website is www.thenobleneighbor.org. So we’ve got lots of information on our website. We’ve got a list of our upcoming school events this fall, and then there’s also, of course, a donate button if people feel so inclined to donate. So our website should be really easy to find. We have a mailing list as well if people want to get regular updates from us, and then social media is always just Noble Neighbor.
Maya Smart: Fantastic. Thanks so much for your time today. I appreciate it and know that many people will be inspired to create some author experiences in their local communities.
Andrea Scarpino: Thank you so much for having me. It was lovely to talk with you.
Do you ever wish you had a fairy godmother to get you through the tough moments of parenting? Or maybe a magic wand?
Parenting author Deborah Farmer Kris shares how parenting mantras can work like magic for parents when they’re at their wits’ end—how remembering a key phrase can rescue the moment when we’re in deep.
In this interview, she reveals:
- What to say to kids, from toddlers to teens, when they’re stressed
- How to handle children’s meltdowns with six little words
- The single lowest-effort, highest-return thing you can do for your child
As a parent, an author, and an advocate, I’ve found Deborah’s insights illuminating and her advice inspiring. She’s the founder of Parenthood365, author of a powerful line of children’s books, and a parenting writer for outlets like PBS KIDS for Parents and NPR learning blog MindShift.
That’s why I wanted to chat with her about raising kids, and share our conversation with you. I know I’ll keep some of her tips on turning challenging moments with children into transformative ones in my toolbox for use for years to come. If you want to learn some of Deborah’s favorite parenting mantras—plus get inspired to create your own—hit play or scroll down for a transcript of our conversation.
Maya Smart: I'm so excited to be here today with Deborah Farmer Kris, who has worn many hats as a mother, a writer, a parent educator, a teacher, a school administrator, and much more. Can you tell us a bit just about your journey into writing and parent education and also children's literature now?
Deborah Farmer Kris:
I had my first child in 2011 and I began to realize that as much as I just adore working with kids, and I still do—I was trained as an educator—and parenting was still really hard. I was trained in child development. I was steeped in this, and still when my kid would have a meltdown at Target, it just triggers all of your anxieties. And I thought, there’s so many amazing, wonderful, loving parents who don’t have all this training, and that must be… What can we be doing to support each other? And so that’s where I began to get really interested in parent education. And then I decided a couple years ago to write some picture books for kids, which we can talk more about later.
Maya Smart: Tell us a little bit about the process you discovered for translating some of the research and theoretical things that you had learned into actually, in the moment, doing the right thing with your child.
Deborah Farmer Kris:
Well, it really—honestly, the process of writing about it has really, really helped. Because I read everything. I’m a bit of a compulsive student, and so I read lots of articles and books, and like you, I talk to a lot of people. And then when I sit down to, say, write the article for PBS Kids for Parents, I try to think, okay, what are the two nuggets here? Of everything I read, I know that our working memory can only take in so much. What are the two or three nuggets? And then I often think about, okay, so what does that sound like in the moment?
So, let’s say we’re talking about trying to help our kids understand their emotions, or let’s say that they’re hitting their sibling. What might more responsive parenting sound like? And so, practicing the script. And then I would say, all right, so I have to try this myself. It got to the point where I’d practice it so much, it became part of my internal script.
And one of the things that, when I’m working with parents, that I have to emphasize is that it’s never a quick fix. Parenting is a long game. And your child, there’s no cookie cutter. There’s no vending machine where you put in something and out comes your Twix bar. It may work great one day, and the next day you use the exact same script, and it just falls flat. Which is why just feeling like you have a lot of tools, and not just for talking to your kids, but for talking to yourself… What are my go-to things for talking myself down when I’m feeling like crappy parent, or I’m feeling like I don’t have it in me, or I’m triggered by my child’s insecurity that day, because it’s triggering something deep from my childhood, what are my own self-care tools that I am practicing over and over again?
I have a dear friend who has a child who’s been going through a lot of struggles. And she’s the one who said to me, “I just keep telling myself it’s the long game.” And that has become one of my parenting mantras, is that one of the joys of having worked with kindergarten through 12th grade, I work a lot with college seniors, is you see them as fourth graders, and you see them as awkward middle-school students, and their parents are freaking out because their cute 10-year-old is now a very hormonal, sassy 14-year-old, and then you see them as seniors, and you see, okay, this is such the long game. Everything we’re putting into it, none of it’s wasted. All these conversations, all these books that you read to them when they were one-year-olds, that’s not wasted for their literacy when they’re five. And all the conversations you’re having when they’re 9-year-olds about tough stuff are not wasted when you can have a conversation when they’re 15, and the stakes are higher.
Maya Smart: I love this idea of having go-to mantras, both things that you say to your child when certain situations arise, whether they're having a meltdown or some other situation, but then also having go-to mantras or touchstones that you return to for yourself. Do you recommend that people write those out in a journal, or how do they instill the habit of thinking those things?
Deborah Farmer Kris:
I think it’s helpful, whatever your system is, right? Whether it’s helpful to write it down, put it on a sticky. For me, my writing mantra is “tell the story of hope,” and it’s on a sticky note and it’s by my desk. It’s pinned to the top of my Twitter feed, so I see it every time I go there. Because for me, that’s motivating to me, is that we live in a really, sometimes, very scary world. And every time I write an article or write for parents, I think about, how do I tell the story of hope? So if a parent is searching for this because their child is having tremendous anxiety, and so they’re searching out my interview with Lisa Damour about this topic, I want them to leave feeling like hope isn’t… It’s not wishful thinking. It’s not toxic positivity, but it’s real. And that’s a good thing to have.
So sometimes I literally write them down, and sometimes there have been phrases somebody has shared with me that are so good, they just get sticky in my brain. And I’ll share one of them with you that I use with teenagers all the time. And this one actually comes from Lisa Damour’s book, Under Pressure, where she talks about, the real concern is not whether or not your child is stressed out, because they will be, and that’s okay. It’s what are the strategies they’re using to cope with that stress. So are they turning to substance use? Are they turning to self harm? What are the strategies they have?
And so, rather than jumping in to trying to solve it, this phrase, which is just like magic, is: “That sounds tough. How do you want to handle it?” Or: “That stinks. How do you want to handle it?” And that honestly is a great mantra for myself too. So it’s like, okay. The situation stinks. How am I going to handle this?
Because it communicates to kids two things at once. One, empathy. This is a tough situation. But two, confidence. I trust your ability to figure this out, and I’m standing right here by you. And I have had a couple of moments where I’ve been mentoring a high school student. We’ve been going on a walk around the block, and literally every five minutes, they’ll finish something, and I’ll say, “Oh yeah, that’s rough. How do you want to handle this?” And that’s literally almost the only thing I say. And at the end, they’ve solved their own problems, and they thank me for doing—nothing other than listening.
And I feel like that is one of those great core phrases that sometimes I just hear and say, “That’s going to work.” And that may be not the core phrase you choose to use, but I look for those when I’m reading somebody. Like, okay, that one for my child, for my students, I think that one might work. That fits my personality. I’m going to try it and make it my own.
Maya Smart: I also have a 10-year-old, or a child born in 2011, and I definitely will try that phrase out. Because there are almost daily situations with friendship or on the sports field or in other situations where, as a parent, you want to offer a solution and give a specific bit of that, well, you should say this or you should do this. But I love that idea of just stepping back and empathizing with, yes, that's a tough situation. That's tough, but how do you want to handle it? I think it also implies that they have some choices, and they can think through all the different things that come to mind for how they might handle it, and then proactively make a choice that makes sense for them in that moment. Would you also say, when they respond with a way of handling it that isn't how you would've recommended, how do you follow up? How do you pause and not correct or change what they've responded with?
Deborah Farmer Kris:
That’s a great question. I’ll go to the high schoolers I work with, because this is… For anybody you have who has a high school audience, sometimes I just ask, “If you could wave a magic wand and solve the situation, what would be… What would you hope it would come out of it?” And then if there… First of all, if it’s not something that’s going to necessarily hurt anybody, they can try it. And if it fails, they try something else. I don’t want to undermine their ability to test something else, because trial and error is a huge part of, just, emotional growth. But if their instinct is to be like, “I’m going to go tell that teacher off,” then I’ll say, “Okay, but what do you want the ultimate outcome to be? Well, if you want to still have a good relationship with that teacher, is this going to help get you there?” And so it’s more of that—coaching questions.
But the idea being the coach versus the problem solver. It’s so easy to say this when you’re writing the article. It’s so much harder in the moment because you’re thinking, “I’ve been here. I can solve your problem.” But it’s really undermining for kids and for their… Even just for their own, not only their growth, but for their anxiety, if we’re constantly stepping in, saying, “This is how to handle it. This is how to handle it.” Because I think it reflects that I can’t do this without my mom or dad. I can’t do this without my teacher. And we want them ultimately to be able to do it without us. With our love, with our support, but with the confidence they can do it on their own.
Maya Smart: Another thing I've gained from reading your work, both in children's literature, and then also through your columns, is this idea of I love you all the time as a mantra or something that parents can just have as a go-to. And I can imagine that phrase being used with a toddler who's had a meltdown, and you're responding to that. I love you, but I'd like to maybe see a different behavior. But then also, as you mentioned with the teenager who's having some more complicated problems and maybe making choices that aren't necessarily the ones that you would make as an adult who's lived through some of that trial and error that they have up ahead. But can you tell us a bit about the inspiration for this book, I Love You All the Time, and the message that it sends to children through parents?
Deborah Farmer Kris:
So that is my ultimate parenting mantra. That is the one. And the background on that is really when my daughter was a two-year-old and she was having just an epic meltdown, and I was trying everything in my repertoire to calm her down. It wasn’t working. And I finally, I scooped her up, and I put her on my lap. And we were rocking, and she was fighting me. And I said to her, “I really love you when you’re mad.” And she stopped crying. And she looked at me like I was nuts. And so I kept going, and I said, “I love you when you’re happy. I love you when you’re sad. I love you when you’re scared. I love you when you’re mad, I love you all the time.”
And she settled down. And I realized that that was, I think, such a core question that so many of us have about our own selves, even as adults, of will I still be loved if I don’t do this. And I think for kids who have these big, overwhelming feelings or are getting lots of constructive feedback, let’s say you have a child who is neurodivergent, who they’re getting constant feedback at school about… “Where are your shoes? Where’s your assignment? Where’s this? Pay attention.” Just to be… That feeling that Mr. Rogers gave those of us of that generation, who watched him and could hear him say, “I love you just the way you are.”
So that became my nighttime ritual with my kids, is that I would say that. “I love you when you’re happy. I love you when you’re sad. I love you when you’re scared. I love you when you’re mad. I love you all the time.”
And my son, when he got a little older, would start pushing on that. And he would say things like, “What if I chopped down your favorite tree? What if I punched you? Would you still love me?” And it was this awesome opportunity to talk through, “I wouldn’t be happy that you hit me, but I would still love you.” That love is the common baseline.
And I think it reminds me that in so much of parenting, there are things that we assume our kids know. And I think so much of parenting is making the implicit explicit. So the things that we think that they understand, from issues of how to be polite and say please and thank you, how to write a thank you card, to issues of race and class in America. We might assume they’ve just picked it up, but we have to be able to talk in an open way. And so for me, being able to say “I love you all the time,” that’s my mantra. Then that’s the baseline where we can have every other conversation, every other important conversation.
So after about seven years, I decided, hey, that’s a picture book, so I turned it into one. Free Spirit accepted it and then said, “Could you turn into a series?” And that’s how the All the Time series came about.
Maya Smart: And what was it like for you, transitioning from writing for parents to writing for children?
Deborah Farmer Kris:
Well, the great part about writing for Free Spirit is that at the back of the book, there’s a letter to caregivers, which is one reason I really want to work with them, is because my thought was, one of the most amazing moments for me as a parent, there’s nothing I love more than read aloud. I’ve read to my kids every day since they were born. They’re 8 and 10 now. It’s just part of our daily routine. And I thought, there are a lot of parents for whom they may not be reading the parenting book, but hopefully they’re still sitting and reading to their kid. And so, all of these books are written from a caregiver’s voice writing to a child—sorry, speaking to a child. And so, I thought I’d love to be able to just almost facilitate that moment between a caregiver and a child, where in reading this book, there was that practice with the language, but also just that sense of closeness that can come.
And so, the best part is that my kids could be beta testers on a book like this, and I’ve read so many thousands of books, not only to my own kids, but as an elementary school teacher, that getting the rhythm right was really important to me. Getting the pictures, art direction right was really important because I just know what read-aloud can be. And so do you, with all of your work on reading, that it feels—much more so than even my other writing for publications—this feels like, almost, the sacred-trust writing, because you’re writing something that is read aloud to a child. And that, to me, it’s just absolute magic that I’ve had a chance to do it. And I’m super excited to do more of it.
Maya Smart: I love this idea that the book itself contains a lesson for parents. There are so many wonderful children's books, and, as parents, we choose them for all different reasons. Sometimes we love more of the story, or we love the illustrations, or there's some other feature of the book that we love. And sometimes, books—the author's intent for how the book will be read and what it can teach are different than the parents' ideas. So I love this idea of books that are explicitly written in the parents' voice and books that contain a couple of pages of notes or a letter to the parent, telling them how best to apply some of the themes of the book in everyday life with the child. But I love the phrase that you use also, just facilitating a moment with children. What advice do you have for parents, as someone who has read hundreds of books now, or hundreds of stories? What advice would you have for a parent who has not yet instilled that habit, or perhaps doesn't see the value in it?
Deborah Farmer Kris:
It’s the most rewarding, high-benefits, low-effort thing you can do to influence your child, in the sense that you can go and get some books at the library, zero cost, sit down. And every time you read a book to your child, you know you are helping them. You know that moment, one, is developing a relationship with books, because they’re associating books with the moment of closeness with their parent. They’re getting just the sense, the rhythm of the story, the context clues. And so, I know especially when COVID just started and there was so much concern about how do we do this at home? And my thought is, if we do nothing else but sit and read to our kids, the research is so profound that children who are read to are those who become stronger readers.
And it’s not… And I think so much of that is just even the emotional connection with books, that you remember the lilt of a person’s voice, your grandmother sitting and reading a favorite book, and sitting on the lap and having that closeness. And, for me, I do mostly read aloud at bedtime. And so, it’s one of those ways where even if the evening really didn’t go well, there’s a moment of closeness at the end of the day. Pick one book off the shelf. Often, it’s an old favorite. We’ll sit, we can read one book, and you end the day feeling connected.
But I remember, my second book is You Have Feelings All the Time. And before I wrote that, I remember there was a day when my son was about four, and he was just having a terrible evening. And I had lost my patience. He had lost his. And finally, I was like, “Go get yourself a book.” Because I always read a book. And he went over to a shelf, and he pulled out Glad Monster, Sad Monster, which is a feelings book.
And he brought it over. And I read it, and I actually got teary while I was reading it. And I looked at him and I said, “Are you having a lot of big feelings today?” He just—his eyes got big and he nodded. And I thought, that book provided this moment where it allowed him to communicate what he was struggling to communicate. His emotions, his behavior was not about trying to make me angry or be defiant. It was about something else going on inside of him. And it was just that reminder to me.
And, you know, I go in and read these books to a bunch of preschoolers. I’ve been going on the school tour. It’s the best book tour ever. I get to go to a bunch of preschools. And these four- and five-year-olds, they love talking about their emotions. You just get them started, and they really are so eager to talk to an adult. And so, I’d say if you’re sitting down to read a book like You Have Feelings All the Time, just pause, look at the pictures, and say, “What do you think she’s feeling right now?” There’s this spread at the end where they’re releasing butterflies at the end, the classes raised butterflies. And before I showed it to them, I think I said, “Well, how do you think everyone’s feeling because they’re about to release the butterflies?” “They’re excited, they’re happy.”
And then I show the picture. And there’s one man who’s scared, and there’s a baby who’s crying, and there’s a mom who looks stressed-out, and somebody’s flapping excited, and somebody’s sitting peacefully—because we have feelings all the time. And they’re not always what we expect to have. So, picture books are so, so amazing as their own genre, to be able to sit and read to kids and get them to think contextually and to just bond and just pause and point out, what are you noticing here? And often, they’ll notice stuff that we haven’t.
So sometimes, if you just pause and linger, you’re going to learn a lot about your kid just by hearing how they’re talking about the pictures. It’s magical. Get a library card, go stock up. To me, it’s one of the great benefits of parenting is that you get to read books.
I take every opportunity I can to encourage people to invest in giving all our children the strong start they need to thrive in school and life. And the importance of intentional, ongoing support of families with young children is even more urgent given pandemic-related academic losses and trauma. So I was particularly honored to share this message with hundreds of women during a keynote speech at the 2022 Women United Bruncheon of the United Way of Greater Milwaukee & Waukesha County.
It was a powerful moment and event. It was Women United’s first event since before the pandemic, and my own first speaking appearance since then as well. It offered an opportunity to reflect on accomplishments and, more importantly, to examine how we can do more in a world where Covid has compounded already weighty challenges.
In my address, I argued that we need to advocate for policies that support children and families:
“Now imagine what happens if we all continue to work. If we work at preventing the reading challenges we can, and intervening early for those we can’t prevent. If we work at bolstering families’ access to books, early-literacy best practices, and high-quality reading instruction. If we work at advocating for paid parental leave, high-quality and affordable preschool, and better teacher training.
“I think our collective efforts could change the life trajectories of millions of students. Improve their job prospects, health, and self-regard. I think it will work. I think we should try.”
You can watch the full speech below, or scroll down for a transcript.
It is a rare honor to deliver a keynote message to such an esteemed group of women. And particularly so at your first post-pandemic gathering.
When a small group of leaders, some of whom are in the audience today, came together in 2002 to ponder ways to make a difference by forming a women’s initiative, pandemic-wrought global shutdowns were not on their minds. A time like this when I can stand before more than 400 of you in person and more via livestream anywhere in the world was not on their minds.
The women gathered instead with a very urgent mission in their hearts—to make Milwaukee a safer, healthier place for girls and women. This was a substantial undertaking. After all, they were talking about life-threatening issues like violence, victimization, and the circumstances that lead to children bearing children.
But the women, brave and unshrinking, looked at the problem head-on, had the tough discussions, aired the concerns, and worked through the tensions. Then they did what needed to be done:
- Gathered evidence to define problems and solutions
- Selected a vulnerable demographic to focus on
- Convened and organized a large and powerful coalition of partners
- Delivered an intensive intervention
- Assessed and improved upon results
- Took what worked to scale
The fruits of this labor? Fewer children born to children. But that wasn’t all. The wins were better high-school graduation rates, better adolescent health, better lifetime earning potential. The wins were lower likelihood of poverty, incarceration, and foster-care entrance. The wins were fewer children born at high risk of being underweight at birth, being unprepared for kindergarten, having the behavioral problems and chronic medical conditions often correlated with being born to an adolescent parent.
The wins also included personal transformations among the women involved. They learned how to pursue big civic goals with vision, collaboration, and consistency over time. They learned how to be a part of a far-reaching, long-term movement. They learned how to be Women United.
There’s a quote that Nicole Angresano, vice president of community impact, uttered years ago that speaks to this intent to stay the course.
She said, “We said early on that we need to make a commitment, internally and publicly, that the initiative will be sustained even beyond our end-goal of lowering the adolescent pregnancy rate by 46 percent. In fact, it is not an end-goal, it is our first goal. Even when we get to a 46 percent drop, that is still too many kids having babies. We will continue to press and not become self-congratulatory.”
I love that. Continue to press. Do not become self-congratulatory.
Continue to press. Do not become self-congratulatory.
And so United Way leaders, Women’s Leadership Council, Women United, and esteemed guests, here we are 20 years on from the start of something great. Here we are more than 1,600 people strong in the largest Women United network in the world. Here we are with a unique opportunity to continue to press and make the next 20 years of action on behalf of women and girls something worth celebrating in 2042.
We know there’s much work to do. We know that whatever problems we had prior to COVID have only intensified since. Earlier in this program CEO Amy Lindner spoke of the hopelessness, desperation, and fear so many felt amid the pandemic. She spoke of the heightened food insecurity, increased housing fragility, soaring family violence, and more.
From my work in education, I’ve seen countless ways that the pandemic has had a severely negative impact on kids’ academic prospects as well. And to be frank, the situation is especially dire in Milwaukee, because educational disparities were extreme to begin with.
Here’s the current reality:
- The picture of literacy in America has been grim. We’ve had stagnant reading scores for decades pre-Covid and devastating learning loss since. And, now, as schools close for the year, a mass summertime academic slide will begin its predictable descent.
- Already poor reading achievement dipping to new lows in Covid times has been dubbed “the kindergarten crisis” and an estimated third of early elementary students will need intensive support to learn to read.
- But that’s not the worst of it. Kindergarten is merely a point in time when headline-grabbing data is captured. The condition is pre-existing.
- New evidence suggests that babies’ and toddlers’ neurodevelopment and cognitive performance plummeted in the pandemic, hurt by caregiver stress and isolation.
And I know that each of you can cite examples from your own industries and personal experiences of the ways that the pandemic has taken pre-existing challenges and ramped them up to crisis levels. Businesses and nonprofits alike have struggled mightily with recruiting and retaining qualified staff, managing finance and revenue, and delivering programs, products, and services.
Given all of this, the question becomes: what would it take for each of us to do our parts to raise Women United’s bar of service, leadership, and philanthropy in our community to meet the even more complex and urgent needs of today and the next 20 years?
The answer, I believe, is doubling down on our strengths as individual contributors to society, and expanding and deepening our connections to others who share our vision of a better world for women and girls. As author Molly Carlile put it, “This is what will change the world … a ground swell of people pouring their energy into manifesting their ‘preferred future’ instead of being worn down by disillusion and disappointment.”
With its mission to “mobilize a powerful network of women who strengthen our community through an investment of talent, compassion, and philanthropy,” Women United is part of the groundswell. What makes the network powerful is the positive energy each of us pours in.
We’re each a “node” in the network. We each represent different organizations, different demographics, different resources, different expertise. Take a look at the women at your table. Then take a look at the women at the next table over. And the next table. Seriously, look around and imagine your reach, your influence—your power to shape Milwaukee’s future—expanding with each new connection.
Our relationships with one another are the invisible architecture that upholds the network. When we connect across our table, across our differences, we can foster stronger flows of information, smarter allocation of resources, greater recognition of opportunity, and better results.
I was reminded of the power of networks when I attended my 20th college reunion earlier this month. The event gave me a personal occasion to reflect on the span of years from 20 to 40. The years saw young women who once skulked around campus in rumpled peasant tops, platform flip flops, and pocketless bootcut jeans transformed into dynamos that had founded publicly traded companies, led think tanks, run for Congress, produced films and television shows, written consequential books, and more.
Yet in each case, the accomplishments were clear extensions of the students we’d been as 20-year-olds. The successes weren’t inevitable. But they weren’t surprising, either.
The seeds of whatever we accomplished post-graduation were in the subjects we studied, the papers we wrote, and the dreams we cast when we were still in school. The seeds were also in the groups we joined, the friends we made, the contacts we shared, the relationships we cultivated.
And 20 years later, we weren’t just at the reunion to reminisce. We were there to strengthen our ties to one another and to our college. We were investing in the network and benefiting from it too.
In order for Women United to leverage the power of its sizable network, each of us, individually, personally, has to get clear on what we have to give. The experiences, skills, connections, and perspectives we can bring to the table.
I’ll give you an example from my life. When my daughter, Zora, was three years old, I dove headfirst into an exhaustive search for the best school for her. I quickly discovered that Austin had some amazing schools with skilled teachers, innovative curricula, and beautiful facilities, but they were concentrated in certain neighborhoods and didn’t reach or serve all Austin children. In fact, at most of the so-called great schools I visited in those early months, I saw a jarring lack of racial and socioeconomic diversity.
I saw the same division, disparity and inequity over and over again from different angles.
I saw it in heat maps showing concentrations of people of color living in poverty and experiencing low educational attainment.
I saw it in groups of primarily brown and black children learning in portables with outdated books featuring characters that didn’t resemble them.
I saw it in reports showing how the zip code children were born into could predict how well-prepared for kindergarten they would be, how much experience their teachers would have, how strong their reading skills would become, how much support they would have on the path to and through college.
I wanted to understand for myself what was really going on and how to turn it around. So, I read hundreds of books and articles on reading instruction and children’s literature. I interviewed expert practitioners and researchers. I spent thousands of hours volunteering as a book buddy, parent coach, library assistant, and advisor to numerous literacy organizations. I led community outreach for literary events, granted funds to libraries statewide, curated author experiences for children living in poverty.
I learned so many valuable lessons. But what mattered most for making a difference wasn’t what I knew but who I connected with. Who I asked questions of, who I shared information with, who I worked alongside.
Eventually my personal effort to better understand what it takes to raise a reader tipped into a larger mission to help all parents learn what’s needed to do this vital work. And during the pandemic I buckled down to write a book, called Reading for Our Lives: A Literacy Action Plan from Birth to Six.
And when I shared that I was moving to Milwaukee, a contact from a foundation featured in the book introduced me to a host of people here at the Office of Early Childhood Education, Marquette, UWM, Next Door, Penfield Children, and more. And they, too, have made introductions that have expanded my network and my impact.
This isn’t the transactional kind of networking that one writer described as “the unpleasant task of trading favors with strangers.” Rather, it’s transformational in nature. It’s the joyful work of exchanging ideas, support, and expertise with neighbors.
All of these partners in my newly expanded network share a commitment to spreading the message that, while it’s crucial for schools to teach what students need to learn (from phonics and math to history and science), it’s just as imperative that parents and caregivers are well-equipped and supported to lay the groundwork kids need in order to learn well when they arrive in school.
We’re all working in different ways (research, programming, advocacy) to highlight the fierce urgency of better supporting families during the first years of children’s lives, when caregivers’ nurturing, supportive back-and-forth verbal engagement shapes kids’ brain structure and function for life.
By around two years old, the major brain circuits and networks are in place, according to evidence from anatomical, physiological, and gene-expression studies. From there on out, brain development is mostly about refining what’s already in place.
We all have unique resources and expertise to give. One of my favorite examples of this comes from someone I met while volunteering with an affordable permanent housing program years ago.
He’d been homeless in four different states. He spent his entire 20s in prison in Mississippi, but even there, given his circumstances, he found a way to give back. He was one of the few fully literate inmates there and worked with a nun to teach other prisoners to read. It was in the 80s and they used a program called Hooked on Phonics. It worked, he said.
It worked at giving him a purpose during his incarceration. It worked at teaching adults who had failed to learn to read every single year of their youths how to read. It worked to help them read letters from their families on their own for the first time. It worked to help them feel a direct connection to home and imagine new possibilities for themselves upon parole. It worked.
Now imagine what happens if we all continue to work. If we work at preventing the reading challenges we can, and intervening early for those we can’t prevent. If we work at bolstering families’ access to books, early-literacy best practices, and high-quality reading instruction. If we work at advocating for paid parental leave, high-quality and affordable preschool, and better teacher training.
I think our collective efforts could change the life trajectories of millions of students. Improve their job prospects, health, and self-regard. I think it will work. I think we should try.
If we did, it would be a great tribute to the founding women who first united to create this network. Those who had a vision and pursued it. Those who ran meetings and raised funds, volunteered time and donated money. Those who charted strategy, wooed partners, and held everyone accountable.
In short, we should be Women United. We should continue to press.
Thank you.