We’ve all heard about how important it is to read to kids, and—while reading aloud isn’t the cure-all it’s sometimes made out to be—sharing books with your child is key to setting them on the path to thrive. That said, though, it takes two to tango. What if your child just isn’t having it?
The short answer to what you should do if your child resists books is the same as for any parenting challenge that’s too important to give up on: Get creative and keep trying.
That doesn’t mean to keep forcing something that’s turning into a battle; that just reinforces the negative reaction and can cause kids to dig in their heels. Instead, find new stories and especially new approaches. (You can always revisit other books and story styles later.)
How to Get Kids to Listen to Books
So, how can you get creative to keep (gently) pushing story time in new ways? Below are some ideas to get you started.
But first, a few warnings…
It’s crucial to look for books your child and you are likely to enjoy and to pick your moments. Bring patience, respond to their mood, and don’t push too hard or get angry. (There’s nothing like getting in trouble during an experience to make a child avoid it!)
When you do read, model enthusiasm and make sure your body language and voice convey enjoyment. If you seem to hate sharing books, your child isn’t liable to like it much either.
Read to Your Child in the Car
They’re strapped in and don’t have much else to do. On a longer drive, they may also be bored out of their wits. If that’s not a golden opportunity to offer your choice of distraction and entertainment, I’m not sure what is.
If your child has been getting to use devices in the car, though, you may need to wean them off those first. With young kids, a simple approach may work best, such as “forgetting” to bring a device. If the device gets lost, stops working, or has limited data, those are also easy outs.
Read to Your Sick Child
When your small child isn’t feeling well, they probably crave your attention and distraction from their discomfort. You can’t always drop everything to care for them every minute, but it’s a perfect chance to make a bit of time to read aloud. After all, if they’re asking for your time and they’re not up to doing much else, the opportunity is there to be seized.
If your sick child still resists books, try telling them, “This is what people do when kids are sick,” or “This is what people have always done when children are sick.” Often, statements as simple as that can do the trick with small kids.
Let Your Child Play During Read-Alouds
It is totally fine for a child to build with Legos or blocks, draw pictures, play with playdough or kinetic sand, or even jump and dance while you read. There’s no law saying they must sit still and look at the pictures. In fact, isn’t part of the beauty of listening to a book the fact that you can do something else at the same time?
It can be perfectly normal for kids to actually focus better when they’re moving their bodies or getting immersed in some sensory experience. Playing with slime or digging in sand can be very absorbing and help kids calm their bodies and minds, offering an opening to slip into their imaginations—or a book.
Tip: Don’t say it’s reading time and then try to set them up with an activity. Instead, get them going on something they enjoy and then calmly attempt a book.
Read to Your Child Outside
With active kids, it can also be a great fit to read out-of-doors in a fun location. Let them dig in the dirt, play with sand, feel the grass, watch the clouds, or collect fallen leaves as you read out loud to them.
If it’s a new or exciting location for them (or they don’t get outside much), be sure to let them explore more actively when you first arrive. Once their initial curiosity and energy are somewhat spent, you can attempt a book as they engage more calmly with the environment.
Leverage Peer Pressure
If your child has a friend, cousin, or sibling who enjoys listening to stories, attempt a book during a play date. When your little one sees their buddy enjoying the book, they may be more open to it.
You can also get a similar effect by taking your child to a story time at a library or book store.
Most libraries hold regular story times for different ages. Just be ready to head out with good humor and a positive attitude if your kiddo doesn’t sit as still or quietly as the librarian requires. Most librarians these days are fine with kids bouncing around a bit, but if your child is making noise or distracting other kids, it’s best to do something else and try another time.
Evoke the Ancestors
Family tradition and cultural heritage can be powerful for kids, who often love plugging into something bigger than themselves around holidays, family rituals, and other traditions. You can leverage this with a variety of activities, and reading is absolutely among them.
To do this, simply try sharing anything true that could build your child’s interest and desire to engage with story time. You could explain that Grandma used to read the same story to you, Daddy loved snuggling up with picture books when he was small, Grandpa hated reading as a boy because he hated sitting still—until his favorite teacher read a book about tigers…. etc.
Your set-up doesn’t even have to be about books. You could share that your family always told stories around a campfire or that your culture has a long tradition of storytelling and passing down tales from one generation to the next. If you can’t think of anything else, share (enthusiastically) that storytelling is so ancient that some people say it’s what makes us human.
Go Digital or Bring in Back-Up
If your child is steadfastly resistant to listening to you read aloud, even when you try various creative hacks, you may need to break the cycle before you can share books with them. Pulling in a relative or friend to read to your child could feel different enough to bypass the negative cycle they’re stuck in.
If not, you can also try to help them learn to love stories by putting on audiobooks or videos of books being read aloud. Just be mindful of not turning it into TV time with read-alouds that have lots of animated action on screen. A simple video showing the pages of the book and the person reading is ideal. If your child really only responds to “book” videos with animated action, find the simplest available and then slowly wean them down to actual read-aloud videos.
The Bottom Line
Now that you’ve gotten a few ideas, you may think of others that could work for your child. Look out for times your child is calmer or more receptive, then see if you can leverage those opportunities to sneak in a few moments of reading.
Pay attention to when, where, and what helps them focus. Maybe they’re more receptive in the morning or evening, in the car or bath, or during certain activities.
Ultimately, any number of approaches can work. All you need is to spark your child’s interest or capture their attention long enough to engage in a story for a few minutes. Just try to create a few positive experiences with story time that you can build on little by little.
